Life is ever so changing

[Melissa]

But should I blame him? Maybe not.

I'm the one with all of the issues. He is just the one that refuses to talk about anything.

Wouldn't you be upset that you had to pay most of the bills while your partner continues to bring animals into the house, along with expenses with them that they can't afford? And seriously, do you want to deal with someone who is an emotional wreck, can't control them, can't control her spending, credit cards, lines of credit? What about someone who is so irresponsible and wants everything her way, ends up losing her job? Guess what? Now you have to pay more of the bills and can't buy that fancy coat that is on discount at Winners.

Oh wait... you have a savings account... nice advantage.

I hate myself.

 

[LA]

So you both obviously want different things.

Have you sat down with him and talked to him about everything. He's with you and stuck through things with you.

You really need to talk to him about it all.

 

[Ashley]

I am sorry melissa, thats shitty timing for you to have to deal with major relationship issues with everything else.
(hugs) Your trying, so don't hate yourself, your getting help and things have to get better!

 

[jorats]

Wouldn't you be upset that you had to pay most of the bills while your partner continues to bring animals into the house, along with expenses with them that they can't afford? And seriously, do you want to deal with someone who is an emotional wreck, can't control them, can't control her spending, credit cards, lines of credit? What about someone who is so irresponsible and wants everything her way, ends up losing her job? Guess what? Now you have to pay more of the bills and can't buy that fancy coat that is on discount at Winners.

Well, in part, you've just described my relationship with Scott. :wink:

We are who we are... you need to communicate with Jordan, tell him your plan and how you are going to get better and get yourself out of this funk.
And if separation is the answer, it might very well be the thing you need as well.

 

[Melissa]

So you both obviously want different things.

Have you sat down with him and talked to him about everything. He's with you and stuck through things with you.

You really need to talk to him about it all.

He doesn't talk. I've tried.

Thanks everyone.

 

[jorats]

My god... he is Scott. He doesn't talk either.

 

[raindrop]

It must be a guy thing. Dale is 1/2 that. If I sit him down and say we have to talk I get somewhere. But if I wait for him to come forward first it won't happen.

Ann

 

[Moon]

Oh Melissa.... *hug*

 

[Melissa]

I'm hoping he didn't mean it.

 

[Fidget]

Jordan doesn't want me to live with him anymore.

He didn't tell me... but I found out.

So hold on - What do you mean by this? How did you hear what, and if you didn't hear it straight from him are you sure it's not your self-esteem talking rather than him?

 

[Bronwyn]

I'm a little confused too but maaaan. You don't need this now. *hugs*

 

[Melissa]

Let's just say I'm not being the best gf and finding things out, other ways. I'm talking about it with my counselor.

 

[lilspaz68]

emails?

 

[Melissa]

 

[Bronwyn]

cell phone, facebook, myspace ...that's how my friend found out some not so great stuff about what her boyfriend was really thinking.

Technology is dangerous!

 

[Melissa]

I"m just as bad as the technology

 

[Melissa]

Have you ever just had an awakening. Like everytihng can be solved so easily? I woke up like that today. Maybe it's because it's my last day at work, maybe it's because I promised some things to myself that were very hard, but I'm ready to take things on differently.

I'm no longer rehoming my pets. I was being selfish and giving up. I'm better than that. I have lots in me to share for others and myself. I just need to DO IT.

Yay.

 

[jorats]

I've had several of those awakenings but also, several of those dark moods where you feel overwhelmed. Make sure you don't take on too much and still able to give yourself some wiggle room for yourself.

 

[Melissa]

Hmm.. ok.

 

[Melissa]

Here is a bit of an update.

With my new work hours my time is gobbled up by just traveling to and from work because of the split shift. If it's not that, I have to run to an appointment between the shift and don't even have time to eat.

My bunnies will be picked up by a foster mom soon. It's just been hard finding a time convenient for both of us. My poor ratties and bunnies are being ignored because I'm so busy with the dog, laying down in agonizing pain because of a chronic back problem that has decided to pop back up and just regular responsibilities which I don't seem to even have time for anymore. Work around work has been hard on my body. I'm not really supposed to be doing a lot of it because of my scoliosis... oops.

I'm so exhausted. I don't know how people have families.

The good part, other than not being able to find a proper schedule for things is that I'm starting to get in tune with myself. The counseling is going really well and Jordan is going to come with me next week. Things have NOT been great with us at all. I never have any idea if he wants me to stay or go or even if I want to stay or go.

I'm also taking a two day course (today and tomorrow) on top of my Sunday aromatherapy course to learn how to perfume. we learned how to make creams, lotions, serums and lip balm so I'm hoping to start making those and perfume soon.

My goals now are:

Continue feeling in control (I've been doing really well not buying things all of the time(
Develop a schedule and stick to it
Set clear relationship goals (this is a big one)

And now I must go, I think my back is going to fall off, lol.