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Melissa said:
I can't stop thinking that I'm just trying to find an easy way out... grr... sometimes I really hate myself.
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Aww, don't say that. There is no easy way out, actually the easiest way out would be the opposite of what you're doing. Keeping up the things that contribute to stress and just trying to deal with it is easier than taking difficult steps to make yourself feel better.
It is so hard to do what you have done with rehoming Zim, you are certainly not taking the easy way out.
 
Hating yourself just adds to the existing problems. Maybe you need an easy way out right now? Do what you have to do to look after yourself, cause you can't look after anyone else if you're not looking after you.. That sounds pat, but it's oh-so-true.
If you're finding good loving caring homes for your kids then that could be the best thing you can do for them. I left my human children with their dad when they were young, cause it was the best I could do for them at the time. I guess they suffered - being human, your pets won't.
I suffered, maybe you will too. Just make sure the little ones are safe and loved, and then honor them by looking after yourself.
 
I'm having some really disturbing dreams. So bad I can't go into detail. I can't help but think if it is some sort of message.

I found a home for my gp's. I'm so sad. I'm going to cry.

I may have found a psychotherapist. I just have to call today to set up my first appointment. My work is ok with me having to take some time off when I have days I need to see him.

It's really hard on me thinking that I'm weak and I should be able to prevent this. But, my famiyl dr. told me not to feel like that and it's not my fault. But how can I? It's so up and down with me.
 
I once had 4 bunnies, I loved them so much and so did my youngest son. But my oldest was having such severe asthma attacks, I knew they had to go. Luckily, my hubby has acquaintances in the country and they already had bunnies, but it's not the same, I knew they were not going to be as loved as how I loved them. It really killed me and to this day, I still think about them and miss them.

But in the end, I had no choice, my oldest would have had to move out and that was not an option.
You do what you have to do to stay healthy. At least you are finding them good homes and you now know that you can't take in anymore pets because now you know your level of comfort.
I know it's hard to not feel guilty, in fact, it's impossible to not feel guilty but no matter what, you need to be healthy first.
 
Thanks, Jo.

I have this fear that people are judging me and think I'm a horrible person. You know the "you get a pet you should be responsible for it for life." That's what I wanted and it hurts so much to fail them.

It will be nice being away from home or a week, but I'm going to miss them all.

I've been thinking that I should maybe do fostering instead.
 
Well, I have my first appointment with a Medical Doctor who does psychotherapy this Friday morning. I have no idea what to expect and I am very nervous and scared.

:oops:
 
Good luck, Melissa. I think most patients must feel the way you do and the doctor knows that. He'll help you through this. hugs
 
I had my appointment with a MD Psychotherapist.

After an hour he told me that I need to see a psychiatrist for a proper diagnoses as my situation is too complicated for him. He said my life is quite chaotic and surprised I made it this far. He even was surprised I hadn't been in jail.

At the least, I am surprised. Jail?! Come on, not even close. I know my parents weren't the best to me, and I dated some ***holes and didn't take the best care of my pets when I was younger... but jeez.

I could possibly have a personality disorder.

I know I have some problems, but after one hour of hearing the most traumatic stories of my life, of course someone is going to assume the worst.. but ya... wow.

So, I found a family doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist (for some reason this MD can't) and it will take a long time to get an appointment, but it's a step ahead for me.
 
Well at least you know you're one strong person since you aren't in jail. :?
So that means you've got majour issues but because you are in a stable relationship now, you must have a good enough handle on things and it's now time to let someone else guide you.
Too bad you have to wait so long to see the psychiatrist.
 
I've got major issues alright... with that crazy "shrink" lol. :wantsome:

Oh well, atleast I can eventually get this looked after, hopefully sans drugs.
 
I am proud of you too. Doctors are not the best people to get along with . They are even worse to get to see. Our son has been waiting for two months just to get an appt with a neurologist. He still hasn't heard anything.Something has to be done about our health system. Some people can't wait as long as it take. Good luck at your next appt. Support is important. Take care.

Ann
 
My family has caused so many issues in my life. I know they way they raised me didn't show me everything I needed to know.

They continue to stress me out.

Something is going on and don't know what. I was talking to my aunt and she said her brother (my uncle) is worried about my dad. I said I was talking to my mom and she said nothing. Apparently my mom have done something. I told my aunt not to tell me because it's not good for me to know. It stresses me out and I can't function. I was just crying that little info she told me.

I've tried so hard with my parents and so have other but nothing works. They are two adolescents in adult bodies and hate each other (as my aunt put it and it's so true). I love my family, but they hurt me so much.
 
How parents act toward each other really do affect their kids, no matter how old they get. I guess there comes a time when you have to try to disconnect and realize there's nothing you can do. Although... that's easier said then done.
 
Alrighty... I went to my new family Dr. today and after talking to me for about 10 mins he said I didn't need to see a psychiatrist. Basically, he said I need someone strong who is willing to help me out, and be supportive, like a bf or husband... well, that's a hard one. My bf always thinks he has done something wrong and doesn't seem to understand my problems. I'm the kind of person that needs help with most things. For example, I won't clean the pets cage unless someone helps me. He often doesn't want to do that.

I'm so high maintenance and I know that's not what he wants.

*sigh*

So, I guess I will look into counselling through family services.
 

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