SugarBear July10/07-Oct3/07-Mar26/08

[Fidget]

Sorry, this is long, but her life was life so precious and too short and she deserves this bit of time honored.

I'm utterly heartbroken to tell you that I found SugarBear passed away last night. It was - and still is - a total incomprehensible shock. I found her gone when I let everyone out on the bed last night at 9:45 and she didn't come.

She was a SARS rescue that came with older Astoria, and her Troutdale rescue-sisters Fidget, Summer & Sumone Oct 3/07. I've guesstimated their birthdays at July 10/07.

She hadn't been ill... I checked her body over when I'd calmed down and there was no sign of what could have happened, no injuries, no blood coming from her eyes, ears, vagina or bum, nothing she could have got into, no drool, no bumps or discoloration anywhere... only some porphrin still wet in her nose.

They'd been out the night before, she'd been running around and playing, on her wheel, climbing the towercage, running from scritches, just no sign of anything wrong... I'm heartsick that I wasn't with her when she passed :cry: and don't even know if it was sudden or if she was in distress for a time.

The only thing more painful right now than my guilt is my grief - I've lost 3 of the 5 that were entrusted to me in less than 6 months. Summer & SugarBear were much too young to go with so little time to have lived. Summer & I fought a long battle together for her life but couldn't save her and she passed Christmas morning. SugarBear went with no warning but my poor baby went alone unheld in the end. Of course I feel I failed her and I'm sick that she was alone, I'm trying to think of her the night before when we were playing, and the happy life she had here with her sisters, and hope it was quick and painless....

She was such a sweet gentle girl. She was both January's comfort zone and her partner in crime from the day she came. She was gentle and respectful of all her sisters. She was a bit standoffish with me at first but she had come around to seeking me out for play and scritches. She was a blessing. and I can't believe I'm writing this about my SugarBear already :cry:

Oh SugarBear, I love you more than you ever got to know baby.

Sugar, Summer & Astoria the day after they came - all gone now, all too soon.

Gentle girl with Reese & Josh's Harry

Patient with January 3 days after the hellion came:

Ready to play:

And her standard 'look', and the last picture I have of her - the way I'll always see her:

You'll be here with us as long as your sisters are here baby. And in my heart as long as I'm here. My precious :kisses:

 

[Cityratt]

Fidget, I am so sorry.

She sounded like a darling little girl; she also sounded like she had a great life with lots of friends (and you ofcourse), and eventhough that was for a such a short time, im sure it was more valuable to her than words could express.

You give your kids such a loving, wonderful home, providing them with so much more than many pet owners out there. They are not your pets, they are your family and you make sure that they know it.

I think that SugarBear didn't want to see you sad, maybe she chose a time to go, when you didn't see her, so that your last memories of her were her playing last night. I really think our furry family members would never want to see you sad.

Their lives are so short, but you make the best of them while you can. Please dont blame yourself, as i've said, you give your girls your all - and they all know you love them with every fibre of your being.

Please snuggle your other kids for me, and let them give you a hug from me and the gang.

I read a book once that one of the technicians brought into the office. It was written as a will from a dog to his owner; the gist basically summed up that he wanted to leave his bowls, his bed and his toys to his family's future puppy, because it would make him so sad if they never got another dog because they were so sad about losing him. It's really helped me gain a new perspective on my losses, and I'm sure, when the opportiunity presents itself, SugarBear would like you to adopt another girly in need and let her live the wonderful life that you let your furkids live.

I know its never easy. Again, Im so sorry for your loss, she'll forever leave footprints on your heart.

 

[jorats]

Oh god Fidget... I'm so sorry. What a shock this must have been.
When they leave us so young, so suddenly, we are filled with questions and what ifs... please don't dwell on that... she was a beauty and still is, playing with Summer and the others at the bridge, waiting to see you again.

Big hugs!!

 

[mamarat]

I'm so sorry, Fidget.

 

[morats]

I'm so sorry. She was a beautiful girl :rose2:

 

[Fidget]

Thankyou. This one has been really killing me, I'm still not past Savanna or Erin's sudden unexpected passings (tho I thank god they had decent lifetimes and passed in my arms).

I like taking the old and terminal and giving them good lives, the passings are expected and accepted because I know they've had joy & comfort & respect, and I know when they are reaching the end so it is rare that they don't pass in loving arms.
It's like helping your parents live well to the last day as they helped you from the first. The pain is personal but the loss is natural.
But losing young'uns is truly losing your children and that's not instinctive or natural..
I got these 4 younguns at once so I expected a long healthy time with them, and as they are spayed I could even hope to avoid the grief of tumors too.... But Summer had so little carefree life, then just got got sicker & sicker suffering breathing troubles, and meds sometimes forced in over 2 months, what a hell she lived apart from being patted and sleeping...and she & I couldn't save her. And now SugarBear out of the blue - I don't know how long she was in trouble.
I've never felt more inadequate as a rattie mom.

Thankyou jorats, mamarat & morats.
And Cityratt, you put a lot of time & effort into this one person's heartache in the midst of so much here. And your post said what I most needed to hear. I've said it myself but I needed to hear it this time- Our kids don't want to see us sad.
I can agonize forever and try to recall clues I should have seen and didn't, wish I could go back in time and be there when I wasn't. But the fact is I didn't neglect any warnings and I didn't neglect my kids even if I didn't do my usual that day.
In the end it shouldn't be about me satisfying myself, it should be as you said -
Our kids don't want to see us sad
Thankyou.

 

[Willow Bean]

Oh Fidget!! I'm terribly, terribly sorry for the loss of your darling girl!! I'm so sorry that it had to happen like this, with no warning at all to prepare you... I'm glad that you got to see her so happy last night so that those will be your last memories of her instead of any suffering. I think that she would have wanted it that way. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and comfort you... I'm so sorry about your dear sweetheart... :cry:

 

[Fidget]

You are here and you did give me a hug, thankyou Willow Bean :hugs:
Apart from without warning, it's just so wrong! She used the wheel so her breathing was good. What the hell killed her????

 

[Moon]

I'm so sorry Fidget... I remember the last time you posted about your crew, SugarBear really stole my heart.

I think you can take comfort in that she probably didn't suffer, and she may have been just as surprised about it as you were.

It could have been an aneurism, a heart attack, or just her time to go. Please don't stress over it too much.

 

[Dahlas]

I'm very sorry to hear about Sugar Bear....what a beautiful girl....
{hugs}

 

[Fidget]

Thanks everyone. (And thankyou mamarat & morats, I didn't thank you in my second post cause I guess you put in your comments while I was writing it so I didn't see them before I posted)
It's been a really rough few days, I thought I'd learned to accept the losses after just having oldies for so long, but it seems so terribly wrong to lose one so young and so unexpectedly :cry:
The kids seemed depressed even and just weren't themselves. It felt like our little family had lost all our joy. But last night they all came out and were playful again, even Fidget was unusually playful - perhaps SugarBear left a little of herself in her sister Fidget when she passed

 

[Godmother]

Fidget, I am so sorry for your sudden loss of Sugar Bear. What a sweet girl she was, and such a terrible shock to lose her with no warning and no clue about what went wrong.

Take care. Losing a heart rat sure takes a long time to get used to. We're thinking of you.

 

[RatsRGods]

Fidget, I am very sorry for your loss.

Sometimes our loved ones pass away when we are not around to spare us the pain. This includes humans and animals.

Your rattie was so sweet looking, I love the picture of her looking like a polar bear.

 

[LA]

Oh no Fidget I only caught this today. I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I send you hugs.

 

[Nickelrat]

Oh God, that must have been so hard for you! :cry: I'm so very very sorry! :cry:

 

[SQ]

I am very sorry.
Thank you for sharing your memories and pictures of SugarBear :heart:
such an adorable sweetheart
I know how hard it is to lose a young rattie unexpectedly ...
take good care of yourself

 

[Miya_Moo_Chu]

Oh goodness... i'm so very sorry fidget! She is such a beautiful rat! I agree with cityrat! I want to read that book... lol
I love reading!
Well i'm very very sorry for your loss...
*hugs*