My first mischief, my first loss. I cant even put into words the guilt and despair I feel. Like I couldve done more, I shouldve done more. My little Casper, didnt even make it to 6 months. He wasnt well and it was apparent that he didnt have much time but I still had made an appointment to take him to the vet next saturday. I wanted some type of reassurance that there was nothing we can do, and hopefully some type of diagnosis. I wanted to know what was happening and if I had to put him down that day i would but it was still one week away. 7 more days with him i told myself. We had a wonderful day yesterday. Made pancakes and eggs and shared with him. I groomed him and cuddled him and he slept in my hand and I took a few pictures of him and told him it's going to be ok and next weekend we would go to the vet and if that was going to be our day to say good bye we would make the most out of this upcoming week. I cried just cuddling him, feeling guilty I hadnt spent much time with him this past week bc I started my summer class. That's why I made the most out of yesterday and my time with him. I shouldve known he was saying goodbye to me, by the way he clung to me during the very last photo I took of him before putting him back into the cage with his brothers. I woke up this morning to find his little body and I've been crying all morning. I feel mad, I feel upset, I feel guilty, I feel responsible, I feel a failure as ur mom. I didnt get to dress you as a s'more for halloween, I didnt get to bake you a funfetti cupcake for your 1st bday nor put a stupid little home made bday hat on you. I feel robbed of so many memorable moments I had planned for our future. Good bye Casper I loved u so much. Ur two brothers and I will miss you so dearly and being my first boy, my first boy I fell in love with, my first pick of the litter, you will always have a place in my heart. I knew our time was going to be short but I didnt know I'd lose you so soon. You deserved so much more. I love you my sweet little boy.