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Vanessa

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2007
Messages
1,561
Location
Toronto
I don't know if these are legitimate, but I was giving this link and thought some of these were pretty funny. They can be adult, so be warned!
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/
I thought this one was hilarious...

to the guy doing my wife

Date: 2008-02-21, 1:43PM CST


To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows
I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3.If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot?

5.After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, Irun out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks).

6.Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentaly challenged.

7.Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.

8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become ackward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks This was not writen by anyone named Jack S.

* Location: omaha
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 581897835
 
That... that is great. I'm avoiding the ones with adult content btw, do not want XD
 
We have this brownish sleeper couch that sort of looks like the couch from Family Guy. It's been rained on like once or four times, and a couple bunny rabbits have tried to nibble on it, but then were like Whoa this isn't tender chutes this is a Couch, hop hoppity, hoppy-hop.

Come drag it somewhere out of sight.

I'm DYING!!!! OMG that was GREAT. I have tears rolling down my face!!!!

And this one!!

please come pick up our gently used rocketship/boat/race car/fort/house/time machine. don't spend your 600 stimulus clams on your kids. give dubya the finger while you invest it and get them this!! It will be gone by thursday if no responses. i am 6'3" so it is obviously big enough to fly to the moon, cross the atlantic, win the indy 500, defend against invading raiders, do fake home remodeling projects, or travel back in time to tell your parents you don't want a crappy box.

LMFAO!!

And this one I could see my younger sister putting up:

I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

British accent preferred.
Edit: And my most favorite one EVER.

Hello. I am dirt. See? need to move out of the driveway. I'm not really that much dirt. Just what was left over after digging fence post holes. Could you haul me away? Far, far away? I am in Wedgwood. That's just North of the Univ of Washington a bit. I will pay one person $20 to haul me off. Please?

Someone emailed me for my measurements. That's kind of a personal question, but I guess we're friends, right? I'm about a 6ftx8ftx3ft pile, but only in the center. I'm pretty small around the edges. Thanks in advance.

Yours truly,
Pile of Dirt

P.S. I am slightly disgruntled because some people cannot read. I am only dirt. I only have $20. It's not like I'm mud or fancy rocks. I'm just dirt. DIRT CHEAP. Please don't waste dirt's time by emailing dirt and asking for more money. DIRT isn't here to subsidize your craigslist lifestyle. Dirt just wants to be gone.
And the update:

NEVERMIND! Dirt changed dirt's mind. Dirt is too afraid of craigslist strangers to give out dirt's address. Dirt will just suck it up and spread around the yard, sometime... soon. (Oh who is dirt kidding? Dirt will live in the driveway for months). But NEVERMIND. And thank you anyway for the nice emails, except for those of you who were spooky, creepy and/or really insane.
 
This one is hilarious as well, and it is from someone in Toronto...

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/542869773.html

best of craigslist > toronto > is this your pet?
Originally Posted: Thu, 17 Jan 22:47 EST
is this your pet?
Date: 2008-01-17, 10:47PM EST


Found in my laundry: One sockpet. Found when I got home from the laundromat at Harbord/Shaw about 2 weeks ago. Responds to the name Kafka; friendly, good with kids. We are happy to have him, but wonder whether he misses his original home and maybe his partner sock. If he is yours, please contact us.

* Location: Harbord and Shaw
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 542869773
 
Oh SQ that was GREAT!!! I love it!

And Vanessa, the sock pet one was adorable. "We're happy to have him, but wonder whether he misses his original home and maybe his partner sock."

Hehee!
 
The guy with the fat cheating wife sounds like my little brother. I don't recall him liking vodka, however. He lived in Omaha too...and left his new ex-wife there.
 
Dude...
The will trade hot wife for celts tickets?
Yeah, supposedly posted in a town called medford?
Yeah.
I live in a town called medford.
What the heck?
 
SQ said:

OMG.... :shock: ..... um......


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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

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Vanessa said:
2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows
I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

He does sound a little bitter. :lol:
 
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