KMG365
Well-Known Member
[center:21k4rre8]ADMINISTRATIUM[/center:21k4rre8]
Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named "ADMINISTRATIUM."
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of ZERO. It does, however, have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take more than four days to complete when it would normally take less that one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years. It does not decay but, instead, undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time since, with each reorganization, some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "the critical morass."
[center:21k4rre8]Children's Answers to Historical Questions[/center:21k4rre8]
The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests, and in sunday School quizzes, by children between 5th and 6th grade ages. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers.
1.) - ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. they lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2.) - Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is made without any ingredients. moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.
3.) - Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.
4.) - The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5.) - Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later dies from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6.) - In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on tv now.
7.) - Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."
8.) - Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.
9.) - Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen', As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted 'hurrah!' and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.
10.) - It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
11.) - Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
12.) - Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
13.) - The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote trajedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
14.) - Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. They lived in Italy. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet but her father was having none of that I'm sure. You know how Italian fathers are.
15.) - Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
16.) - Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.' He was a naturalist for sue. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
17.) - Abraham Lincoln became America's geatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
18.) - On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
19.) - Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which he kept up in the attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.
20.) - Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
21.) - The nineteeth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine . The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
22.) - Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named "ADMINISTRATIUM."
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of ZERO. It does, however, have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take more than four days to complete when it would normally take less that one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years. It does not decay but, instead, undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time since, with each reorganization, some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "the critical morass."
[center:21k4rre8]Children's Answers to Historical Questions[/center:21k4rre8]
The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests, and in sunday School quizzes, by children between 5th and 6th grade ages. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers.
1.) - ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. they lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2.) - Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is made without any ingredients. moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.
3.) - Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.
4.) - The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5.) - Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later dies from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6.) - In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on tv now.
7.) - Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Same to you, Brutus."
8.) - Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.
9.) - Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen', As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted 'hurrah!' and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.
10.) - It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
11.) - Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
12.) - Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
13.) - The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote trajedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
14.) - Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. They lived in Italy. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet but her father was having none of that I'm sure. You know how Italian fathers are.
15.) - Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
16.) - Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.' He was a naturalist for sue. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
17.) - Abraham Lincoln became America's geatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
18.) - On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
19.) - Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which he kept up in the attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.
20.) - Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
21.) - The nineteeth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine . The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
22.) - Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
