The Sandwich Generation Thing

[ChrisK]

Feeling really frustrated today. My step-daughter and her new partner have announced their intention to move further away from us in the Spring. Presently they're an hour drive, and they will be a 90 minute drive. It's not her and her partner moving that bugs me. It's that I adore my grandchildren and now it's going to be ooooohhhh so much harder to see them. I was hoping to be able to maintain a good relationship with my grandson, who just turned 9. With the extra time to get there and back to visit, and my husband and me doing most all the driving to and fro, it's going to mean less visits, and virtually impossible for me to come see those special occasion school plays or the occasional ball game.

At the same time, my mom, who is 86, finally joyfully announced she's decided to come live with me. That's what I thought would be the best option... except she lives in the US, and it appears that it will be impossible for her to immigrate here. I would have to sponsor her, but applications are not even being accepted until January and then, (according to the government) just the first of two steps of the process takes 3.5 years. The whole process will take too long for this to be an option. And the only other option I can find is for her to stay as a visitor, but then her health insurance from the US won't cover her here, and nobody will sell health insurance here to an 86 year old without a pre-existing conditions clause.

In the meantime, work is ridiculously busy. There's no way I can do it all, and frankly, I'm just tired of this stuff anyway. I'm ready for a career change, but my budget says not yet. Feeling like just one more of the 99% who's getting squeezed out.

Well.. Okay.. I'm done complaining for now... thanks for reading.. maybe tomorrow will bring some new solutions/revelations..

 

[odoriusagi]

Perhaps she can live on a Visa while the immigration process proceeds? Canada is so awesome, there just has to be a way for your aging mother to join her daughter in Canada. I recommend calling immigration and describing your situation. My husband and I are both Americans who have had Visas for going on four years now, and we are covered by Medicare. It is a different situation as we were both pulled into Canada because of our professional/academic backgrounds to work, but we are complete strangers to Canada and have no relatives within 1600 km of Montreal. Your mother is your mother!

I think there surely should be a way, if a Canadian man can marry an American and have her join him immediately in Canada. Don't lose hope!

 

[jorats]

You can vent away here... I have my own issues so I can totally understand where you are coming from.
Hopefully soon enough, you will feel better about all the changes and find a better solution. It must really suck though to lose that special contact with the grandkids. They aren't young for long. :hugs:

 

[Joanne]

I know of some grandparents who keep in touch with their grandchildren through the computer (Skype). One lady in particular told me the story of her granddaughter who lived on the other side of the country in BC. They finally came home for a visit when the little girl was 2 1/2 years old. She had never met her Nana, but when she came through the gates she called out her name and ran to her. It was because she knew her grandma through Skype, talking to her and seeing her face. :heart:

 

[ChrisK]

Yes! We've been talking about maybe using Skype for the in between times, or setting up a weekly Skype call with the grandkids or something. I don't know yet how that will work. Since Spring is the anticipated move time, and it will require they can sell the house first... I'm still hoping maybe there will be another change that'll keep them closer to us longer.

As for getting my mom over here, I finally was able to speak with someone at Immigration Canada, and they confirmed I have only two options. Sponsor her, or a super visa without medical coverage. I'm told that the wait times on the web site apply to the old system, and that I should watch soon for updates to the "new" system that goes into effect January 2014. In the meantime, I found an insurance broker who is going to get back to me tomorrow about covering my mom for health insurance at the age of 86 with pre-existing conditions... expecting IF there's coverage out there, it'll be expensive.

It kinda sucks.. loosing the time with the youngsters who keep me young and adding the time with the elderly and infirmed. Having no control over the first, and having to jump thru hoops for the second.

Thanks for your comments.. it does help to be heard.

 

[temblabamomo]

It stinks that bringing your mother to live with you becomes so difficult because of paperwork and red tape. How frustrating.

I'm sorry your grandkids are ending up further away now...but hopefully you can still see them fairly often, enough so to maintain a good relationship. Growing up we only saw our grandparents about once a year due to distance, so we're not particularly close. But even a once a month visit will keep you guys close.

 

[ChrisK]

It stinks that bringing your mother to live with you becomes so difficult because of paperwork and red tape. How frustrating.

I'm sorry your grandkids are ending up further away now...but hopefully you can still see them fairly often, enough so to maintain a good relationship. Growing up we only saw our grandparents about once a year due to distance, so we're not particularly close. But even a once a month visit will keep you guys close.

Yes, probably we'll be able to see the grandkids every month at some point. I am going to do everything I can to keep them in my life. But as a grandparent, I really have little say in these matters. At least their mom and her partner both recognize that it's a good thing for the kids to spend time with us.

As for getting mom over, it looks like that won't be possible. I heard back from the insurance broker, and essentially no one will cover a person who is older than 85 unless it's additional coverage on top of canadian health care. So I'd have to bring her over as an immigrant, and the wait times for the new system are unknown, but the old system was 6 or 7 years. Ironically, mom has medicare in the US, but it only covers her while she's in the US. I've even thought what if she moved to the town right by the US/Canadian border and I commute to visit her.. but that's a really long drive for me to do regularly.

Looks like my only option is to go thru the paperwork and expense of applying for her immigration, and hope that the process works much faster than it used to. .. and hope that the government will accept my application, because they previously posted that only 5,000 applications would be accepted a year..

I don't know how I'll break the news to her.. I'm the only one of her kids she's even remotely close to..