twitch
Well-Known Member
warning, rant about family issues to follow but i really need to vent.
my son is 5 now. for 5 years the arrangement has been that he is to go to his father's for the weekend every weekend. we were young when we had him but decided to keep him even though we were not meant to be together anymore. so the weekend thing.
well since the beginning my son's father's mother (who will be referred to as Gee from now on) would call for my son's father (who we will call Fee from now on) telling me that my son would not be able to come this weekend. always last minute. when he was an infant this didn't make much difference to my son. back then it was so bad that there were times when he would only go over once a month.
they have gotten a bit better since then to the point that this year they would only call out once or twice a month. we had a discussion a few months ago that they needed to cal by wednesday if they were to take my son or not and that he wouldn't go over automatically anymore. well that lasted all of 2-3 weeks before Gee was promising my son the following weekend and so my son was looking forward to it. defeating the purpose of calling by wednesday, and so the calls stopped.
last month was good. they took him each weekend. this month they called three times. the first time to say he couldn't come, so i told my son. the second time to change their minds and say that he could come afterall, so i had to tell my son that after telling him that he couldn't. then the third time was the week after saying, once again that he can't come.
it was the final straw. there wasn't even a reason given the last time not that the reasons were ever much of anything to begin with. i have gotten "i've got to clean my house" and "well Fee wants to see his girlfriend this weekend-he's already left in fact and i have to work". fine, you have to work, Fee is gone. BUT WHY??? are you calling me thursday night with this information??? you couldn't have called eariler so i could distract my son with something else??? so we could make plans???
Fee has NEVER supplied child support. fine, he doesn't work and when he does he doesn't keep the job long enough. its not about the money. my son has a right to his family, be they what they may. i WANT them to be together but i can't make them, i can't force my son on them. they have to make that decision.
we've talked about this more then once. Fee kept me waiting for over an hour to meet him for one of our discussions. he promised up and down that he would keep his promises but nothing changed.
i've talked to Gee about it and she promised up and down to keep her promises and said that it was a good plan and was ok with it. nothing changed. nothing got fixed.
so Gee calls today, friday, to ask if my son would be coming over this weekend and how she has dragon boat thing this saturday. i don't know if she was about to cancel or not. but i said no, not anymore. my son is not to go over on the weekends anymore, is not to spend the nights anymore. if she wants to see him i'd be more then happy to work with her so she can come over and visit for a few hours, or take him out for a few hours and of course she is always welcome to just give a call and talk to him anytime. she said she understood. that school was starting and it would be hard on him and all that. of course completely mishearing when i said about how he feels and how hard it is on him when they cancel on him and i have to tell him that they are busy. but she said she understood and maybe she can take him out sunday and maybe she could babysit during my night classes. i would be fine with that, but we'd have to talk more on it and i i didn't want to discuss this with my son right there, he doesn't need to hear it.
so, a little bit later Gee's friend calls. she took a course in child psychology she says. she says i'm tearing my son away from his family and i'm only punishing him and that i'm being cruel and that Gee and Fee LOVE my son and that Fee is trying so hard to provide for my son. he's 22. he can't seem to hold a job for any time, only in fact started to get a job late this past year... she says she got his GED for my son, that he's starting compu college for my son so he can provide for my son. yeeeeeeeeah... then she goes on to say how she's had to help them out financially with my son and at that i have family allowance to rely on. and how they have never harmed him, they've never abused him. says how much Fee loves his son and that i don't see them together and if i did i would understand. and how much my son his all of Gee's world...
ok first WTF!!! why is she calling at all!?!? it is not about her, she is not a part of it! THEN she says she sees it but she can't have. where has she been all the times when my son wasn't allowed to go over because his father was with his girlfriend and his grandmother was cleaning the house???
THEN when i call Fee on all the times he's not been there for his son because his girlfriend was more important she calls me on the one week out of the year during the summer that my son goes over there for summer vacation!! i had talked with Gee for weeks in advance and ASKED if that week was ok and ASKED if they would like him for a week during the summer because they only ever get to see him on the weekends and i know that's not much time. so again, WHAT THE HELL!!
i got emotional. i yelled. i didn't keep my cool and i think my son likely heard it all, the very thing i didn't want to have happen. she called me cruel and i hung up.
i'm not trying to punish anyone. i'm not trying to tear him away from anyone. my son has a right to his family and to my knowledge they have not physically harmed him so i think he's safe enough over there. that's not the issue. i don't care about the money. i never have. its been 5 years and never once did i ask about child support. i could use it. my son could do with an education fund or even just some nice clothes that aren't either gifted during christmas or his birthday and that do not come from used stores like salvation army. i've tried very hard to keep them together. but i can't force them. all i want is some effort on their part. i'm not keeping them apart. i told them they are welcome to come see him anytime (but where they are making plans with me i don't have to get my son's hopes up if they "need" to back out last minute if i don't tell him they are coming). i can protect him from the disappointment and i can give him a solid routine. but somehow, that's not how its coming off. i'm coming off as being petty and vindictive. i'm somehow trying to punish them through my son apparently.
my son is still up. i don't want him to hear the conversation at all but especially if it gets emotional. so i called Gee, i only got the answering machine of course. but left a message that i would be calling back at 8 and that i did not appreciate her friend calling for her.
i can understand why she would want to have her friend do that. i would love it if my mom could call back and talk for me. but this does not involve either of them. sadly it is between me and Gee, though i would love to say it is between me and Fee, but he hasn't called since my son was a infant, not even able to crawl yet. we had that one meeting that he made me wait around for but it is obvious that he doesn't decide anything.
and you know the saddest part of all this, my son already says he doesn't like his daddy, that he doesn't want to see him, he wants to see his nanny. he misses his nanny and every once in a while he'll say he misses his uncle. heck he'll even tell me he misses his dad's girlfriend and his dad's friends over ever saying he misses his daddy.
i don't like being the bad guy. i don't want to be the bad guy. can you imagine how my son feels when i tell him that his dad and his nanny, two very important people in his, or at least supposed to be, are too busy for him? last time he cried for a solid 10 minutes. SOLID. tears, hiccups, snotty nose. everything. he looks at me with these great big sad eyes and tells me how much he misses his nanny...
my mother let my father leave before i was born. he wanted to go and she gave him a bit of a push from what i understand. i hurt for it. i didn't want my son to have to go through that too. but at this point i really wish i had done the same thing for him that my mom did for me. i grew up with a dad, and though i knew the difference between dad and father too young, i had a great dad and i had a great family and my life was stable. it was consistant. i got disappointed once when i learned that my father didn't want me. i didn't have to learn that over and over again like my son has when his father and grandmother keep jerking him around. i'm not a violent person, i don't like seeing people hurt or knowing people have been hurt, but right now, i really wish that Fee and Gee would just disappear. i know it would hard on my son at first but he would adjust. he wouldn't have to be hurt over and over again when his family is too busy for him all the time.
i know i shouldn't let what Gee's friend said get to me. but i have. i'm trying to protect my son. i'm not saying Gee and Fee can't see him or be with him. all i want is some consistancy for him. i want to know that Gee and Fee will keep their promises. i'm not cruel. i'm not.
my son is 5 now. for 5 years the arrangement has been that he is to go to his father's for the weekend every weekend. we were young when we had him but decided to keep him even though we were not meant to be together anymore. so the weekend thing.
well since the beginning my son's father's mother (who will be referred to as Gee from now on) would call for my son's father (who we will call Fee from now on) telling me that my son would not be able to come this weekend. always last minute. when he was an infant this didn't make much difference to my son. back then it was so bad that there were times when he would only go over once a month.
they have gotten a bit better since then to the point that this year they would only call out once or twice a month. we had a discussion a few months ago that they needed to cal by wednesday if they were to take my son or not and that he wouldn't go over automatically anymore. well that lasted all of 2-3 weeks before Gee was promising my son the following weekend and so my son was looking forward to it. defeating the purpose of calling by wednesday, and so the calls stopped.
last month was good. they took him each weekend. this month they called three times. the first time to say he couldn't come, so i told my son. the second time to change their minds and say that he could come afterall, so i had to tell my son that after telling him that he couldn't. then the third time was the week after saying, once again that he can't come.
it was the final straw. there wasn't even a reason given the last time not that the reasons were ever much of anything to begin with. i have gotten "i've got to clean my house" and "well Fee wants to see his girlfriend this weekend-he's already left in fact and i have to work". fine, you have to work, Fee is gone. BUT WHY??? are you calling me thursday night with this information??? you couldn't have called eariler so i could distract my son with something else??? so we could make plans???
Fee has NEVER supplied child support. fine, he doesn't work and when he does he doesn't keep the job long enough. its not about the money. my son has a right to his family, be they what they may. i WANT them to be together but i can't make them, i can't force my son on them. they have to make that decision.
we've talked about this more then once. Fee kept me waiting for over an hour to meet him for one of our discussions. he promised up and down that he would keep his promises but nothing changed.
i've talked to Gee about it and she promised up and down to keep her promises and said that it was a good plan and was ok with it. nothing changed. nothing got fixed.
so Gee calls today, friday, to ask if my son would be coming over this weekend and how she has dragon boat thing this saturday. i don't know if she was about to cancel or not. but i said no, not anymore. my son is not to go over on the weekends anymore, is not to spend the nights anymore. if she wants to see him i'd be more then happy to work with her so she can come over and visit for a few hours, or take him out for a few hours and of course she is always welcome to just give a call and talk to him anytime. she said she understood. that school was starting and it would be hard on him and all that. of course completely mishearing when i said about how he feels and how hard it is on him when they cancel on him and i have to tell him that they are busy. but she said she understood and maybe she can take him out sunday and maybe she could babysit during my night classes. i would be fine with that, but we'd have to talk more on it and i i didn't want to discuss this with my son right there, he doesn't need to hear it.
so, a little bit later Gee's friend calls. she took a course in child psychology she says. she says i'm tearing my son away from his family and i'm only punishing him and that i'm being cruel and that Gee and Fee LOVE my son and that Fee is trying so hard to provide for my son. he's 22. he can't seem to hold a job for any time, only in fact started to get a job late this past year... she says she got his GED for my son, that he's starting compu college for my son so he can provide for my son. yeeeeeeeeah... then she goes on to say how she's had to help them out financially with my son and at that i have family allowance to rely on. and how they have never harmed him, they've never abused him. says how much Fee loves his son and that i don't see them together and if i did i would understand. and how much my son his all of Gee's world...
ok first WTF!!! why is she calling at all!?!? it is not about her, she is not a part of it! THEN she says she sees it but she can't have. where has she been all the times when my son wasn't allowed to go over because his father was with his girlfriend and his grandmother was cleaning the house???
THEN when i call Fee on all the times he's not been there for his son because his girlfriend was more important she calls me on the one week out of the year during the summer that my son goes over there for summer vacation!! i had talked with Gee for weeks in advance and ASKED if that week was ok and ASKED if they would like him for a week during the summer because they only ever get to see him on the weekends and i know that's not much time. so again, WHAT THE HELL!!
i got emotional. i yelled. i didn't keep my cool and i think my son likely heard it all, the very thing i didn't want to have happen. she called me cruel and i hung up.
i'm not trying to punish anyone. i'm not trying to tear him away from anyone. my son has a right to his family and to my knowledge they have not physically harmed him so i think he's safe enough over there. that's not the issue. i don't care about the money. i never have. its been 5 years and never once did i ask about child support. i could use it. my son could do with an education fund or even just some nice clothes that aren't either gifted during christmas or his birthday and that do not come from used stores like salvation army. i've tried very hard to keep them together. but i can't force them. all i want is some effort on their part. i'm not keeping them apart. i told them they are welcome to come see him anytime (but where they are making plans with me i don't have to get my son's hopes up if they "need" to back out last minute if i don't tell him they are coming). i can protect him from the disappointment and i can give him a solid routine. but somehow, that's not how its coming off. i'm coming off as being petty and vindictive. i'm somehow trying to punish them through my son apparently.
my son is still up. i don't want him to hear the conversation at all but especially if it gets emotional. so i called Gee, i only got the answering machine of course. but left a message that i would be calling back at 8 and that i did not appreciate her friend calling for her.
i can understand why she would want to have her friend do that. i would love it if my mom could call back and talk for me. but this does not involve either of them. sadly it is between me and Gee, though i would love to say it is between me and Fee, but he hasn't called since my son was a infant, not even able to crawl yet. we had that one meeting that he made me wait around for but it is obvious that he doesn't decide anything.
and you know the saddest part of all this, my son already says he doesn't like his daddy, that he doesn't want to see him, he wants to see his nanny. he misses his nanny and every once in a while he'll say he misses his uncle. heck he'll even tell me he misses his dad's girlfriend and his dad's friends over ever saying he misses his daddy.
i don't like being the bad guy. i don't want to be the bad guy. can you imagine how my son feels when i tell him that his dad and his nanny, two very important people in his, or at least supposed to be, are too busy for him? last time he cried for a solid 10 minutes. SOLID. tears, hiccups, snotty nose. everything. he looks at me with these great big sad eyes and tells me how much he misses his nanny...
my mother let my father leave before i was born. he wanted to go and she gave him a bit of a push from what i understand. i hurt for it. i didn't want my son to have to go through that too. but at this point i really wish i had done the same thing for him that my mom did for me. i grew up with a dad, and though i knew the difference between dad and father too young, i had a great dad and i had a great family and my life was stable. it was consistant. i got disappointed once when i learned that my father didn't want me. i didn't have to learn that over and over again like my son has when his father and grandmother keep jerking him around. i'm not a violent person, i don't like seeing people hurt or knowing people have been hurt, but right now, i really wish that Fee and Gee would just disappear. i know it would hard on my son at first but he would adjust. he wouldn't have to be hurt over and over again when his family is too busy for him all the time.
i know i shouldn't let what Gee's friend said get to me. but i have. i'm trying to protect my son. i'm not saying Gee and Fee can't see him or be with him. all i want is some consistancy for him. i want to know that Gee and Fee will keep their promises. i'm not cruel. i'm not.
