*SIGH* The "You must get rid of your rodents" pressure has started ...

Let's just say this spiel was expected, but the angle taken was completely out of left field ...

I was just down south with my hubby visiting my folks for the weekend. It had been super pleasant til Sunday morning when I went for a walk with my dad, and he handed me this letter that he wrote.

Basically he said that I need to get rid of my rodents because he wouldn't be able to visit his new grandkid due to his severe allergies to them. Apparently he feels that I shouldn't have ANY furry critters EVER in the off-chance that he'll come up to visit a couple times a year. Seriously, I wasn't allowed to have furry pets as a kid, and now I can't have them as an adult in my own house?!? Its not like he's going to be living with us!

Granted, I know how bad animal allergies are, considering how horrifically I react to my in-law's cat. Never in a million years though would I tell them outright that they needed to get rid of their cat, and that they couldn't ever have cats again if they wanted to see me again. But the crux of my allergy problem was that I was being forced into visiting my in-laws' house overnight. There's no way I'd do that to my dad - I'm more than willing to come to him with the grandkid.

I actually didn't think I was going to get any support from the hubby since he's been hinting that I should really let my critter numbers go down before the baby comes, but holy moly, on the way back home when I mentioned this "talk" with my dad, the hubby said he had absolutely no right to ask that of me.

ARGH!!! Still doesn't make me feel any less rotten about the whole thing. And now I'm girding my loins for the inevitable talk from my mom about how unhealthy furry pets in the house are once the baby comes ... Dang it all, I have my own bloody place, and the husband's support. Why do they have to make such a big deal about my pets?!?

They're giving you flack over 4 rats and a hamster?

o.o

Don't let them ever come to my house.

Don't take this the wrong way - but it's not their place to tell you what to do.

Sometimes family can overstep their boundaries.....I know from my own experience in other matters.:grouphug:. In a loving way I have told my family that certain matters were not their business.

Best wishes for you!

I agree completely. It's your home, you should be able to fill it with whatever wonderfully furry creatures that you would like. It has to be hard when your parents don't support your interests, but at least you have the support of your husband on this one. Stay strong!

I will send you a picture of my rat room or the intros that I am doing. Tell him if they dont stop your house will look this. Besides tell the grandparents they can keep the baby over night YOu will want the quiet time sometimes LOL

hopefloats said:

I will send you a picture of my rat room or the intros that I am doing. Tell him if they dont stop your house will look this. Besides tell the grandparents they can keep the baby over night YOu will want the quiet time sometimes LOL

Click to expand...

I wanna see your rat room !!!:hug4::bliss:

2Rats said:

I wanna see your rat room !!!:hug4::bliss:

Click to expand...

There are some on my thread. Hope's rescued rat and lifers. We have 2 triple ferret nations, 3 feisty ferret cages, one double ferret nation, 4 double critter nations. and a few smaller cages here and there

I know how stressful this can be, but it's good practice for when they start trying to tell you what to do as far as parenting goes!

I don't know why it's so hard for ppl to realize when their kids are grown and are having kids of their own, they have NO business butting in and telling them what they can and can't do, none whatsover!

I had a meddling mom and when she refused to keep her "advice" to herself, she was no longer welcome to visit (mind you her advice was more of a demand)

nope, not having that!
seriously though, you are going to be spending a lot of time standing up for your baby as he/she grows and goes out into the world,
I think this is a great place to practice, with those meddling relatives who think they have the right to decide what's best for your child
ONLY you and your husband have that right.

you know when you're pregnant (tell them this!!) you need to stay calm for the sake of the baby, nervous moms have nervous babies, so they better not be doing and saying things to upset the momma!!
(it's actually true that being stressed out during pregnancy has an effect on the baby, to some degree anyway. Use that bit of trivia to shut them up!! if they care about the baby......*wink wink* *evil grin*

For what it's worth, babies that grow up in households with animals tend to have less numerous and less severe allergies (to pets and otherwise) later in life. Plus i think growing up with pets teaches children to have respect for living creatures and a sense of responsibility.

I would never let someone tell me to get rid of my pets for their sake. The decision should be up to you and your husband as previously mentioned.

I'm dealing with a similar situation.

We're expecting a baby in 4 weeks and my PIL have said so many times that we should get rid of the rats and when they pass not to get more because it's unhealthy to have them around the baby. They also thought rats were dangerous to be around, funny that they don't think the same about cats who can actually be dangerous.

Honestly, I just ignore it. It's my family and my house. They have absolutely no say on what type of pets we have in the house. Like you said, you have no problem taking your baby up to see them and if they do visit it'll be rarely. I'm sure they are able to stay in a hotel if need be. I have allergies to cats and I'd never tell family to get rid of their cats. I'm immune to my cats finally, but my allergies are horribly with other peoples cats. I suck it up and deal with it if I want to be in their house. It never crossed my mind to make them get rid of the pet!

We are here for you too! You have an entire rat EDUCATED group behind you. My Dr. Said to rid my home of my cat and rats as my fiance and I attempt to have children. I said "thanks for the advice but I'm not getting rid of my furry babies" there is no proof its dangerous. My mom had a cat through all of us and we're all fine. I'm mildly allergic to cats but only new cats for a time or if I'm away from cats for a while. But I take my meds and suck it up! If he insists you get rid of them then he should write a letter to every friend he has ever stayed with to rid their home of their allergens.
My parents scoffed at me opening my house as an official rescue and my Dad kept saying "This is all to get the rats OUT of your house right, you don't bring anymore in!?" I said it goes both ways. And he rolled his eyes. I said "Have I asked you for financial support or to help me clean a cage?...no? Then you have no say." Its my house, my body, my choice! As its your body, your home, your child's environment.
People will say that about any animal they know nothing about or don't like.
Same goes for eating certain foods when pregnant...like Peanut Butter if you eat it while pregnant your baby will be allergic...where's that proven? In the Journal of " Someone made that up to benefit their own fears."

My mom and sister are both allergic. I have heard from my mom SEVERAL times how it's "such a shame I can't come visit cause I can't come in the apartment." Basically I pointed out the same thing you said, that the happiness they bring me is well worth the sacrifice of her 1 or 2 day a year she visits. Grr. Right there with you.

I second and third and quadruple what everyone else here has already said, ha ha. Your dad can make the rules in HIS house and you and your husband make the rules in YOUR house. You are an adult and you make your own decisions and if Dad can't be around your rats with his allergies, that is too bad for him and you can bring baby to his house for a visit.

Parents can really overstep their boundaries, I know! Your rats are part of your family and your house is also their home. If someone doesn't like that, that's tough.

Rats being "unhealthy" around a baby is just ridiculous as you and we all know. He may as well say it is unhealthy for a golden retriever puppy to be around a baby...it would be the same thing. Silly!

And you are right...it is not like Dad is moving in with you! Grrr, parents can be such a headache. And one of the posters here said, "We are an educated group and we are all behind you!" :grouphug:

Stay strong and make sure Dad knows you are not 12 anymore and you have your own home with your own rules. Yeah!

My ex is allergic to dogs. When we would go to our friends or relative's house that had a dog or two, he would take an antihistamine. DUH! You can buy them at a pharmacy ANYWHERE. The only excuse would be if it causes anaphylaxis. Then just don't come over.

Joanne, yes!

I am allergic to rat dander myself. I always had a low grade allergic reaction to my rats in the past, but Achilles is our first long haired rat and I noticed my allergy was much worse around him.

I had an allergy test done for rat dander (I was suspecting this when I would get really bad symptoms after touching or being close to my babies) and the test came back positive. Solution? I take an allergy pill every day and we also have an air purifier. Problem solved.

Me having a rat allergy is MY problem, not Achilles' problem. Rats are always and forever part of the family and they STAY!

I do just fine with my allergy pill too.

Sounds like they love you and just do not understand.
Since your father gave you a written note, sounds like he put a lot of thought into it and it may have been a difficult topic for him to discuss with you.

Hope you can gently establish firm boundaries
and let your dad know that he will be able to be part of his grandchild's life
Sounds like you have ideas on how that can be arranged.

Great that you and your husband are on the same page
Good luck with your ratties and your family

Keep a pack of non-drowsy Benadryl in your house, special just for him. :nod:

Aw geez, thanks for the rousing support everyone!

I honestly can't express how much it hurt to get that letter though. As a child, I had a rabbit and three hamsters for a very brief blip in time before various family allergies and "general unhygienic-ness" turned our household into a pet-free zone. Extremely painful for a huge animal lover like me. But I always held out hope that once I moved out on my own, I could have as many pets as I could responsibly care for. I finally achieved that six years ago, and its been glorious. But now to be told that parental impositions are still in place as if I was still living under their roof? Like I said before, its one thing if my dad had to move in with us, but to give up my pets, current and future, for infrequent visits?

Unfortunately like my cat allergy, my dad's rodent allergies aren't controllable with the usual med stuff - when I visited the folks once with a couple rats in tow, my dad had to get a steroid injection to deal with it. So yes, interacting with the baby at our house is out of the question. But when my folks visit us, they stay in a hotel - no reason why I can't bring the baby over to him. Instead of dinners at my house (I can't really cook anyways), we'll eat out. Seriously, there are so many ways he can be with the gandkid without being subjected to animal dander.

I would write him a letter explaining that point. You can still interact and he can see the baby and it won't involve the rats. There's plenty of time to see each other and plenty of out of house options.

Life is full of compromises.