So many comments here (all good
) sorry if I get a bit ranty!! In advance!
1) CONGRATS on recovery!
2) it's not too much info if you wanna share here its your freedom to do so as long as language is clean (i'm sure)
3) I understand each of your struggles in some way. I have diagnosed manic depression, General anxiety, and PTSD with an addictive personality.
A bit of what I've gone through:
I never went harder then MJ smoking because of my anxiety toward being caught but I did end up in two situations where I was given worse things due to hanging out with the wrong people including dating 2 girls (which was highly confusing for me and I hid it from my parents) because I was lonely and down and wanting to just not feel alone...which I still did (feel alone) and then was used and abused.
My PTSD was due to some of these relationships. My last 3 semi-long term relationships...nothing ever lasted long with me because he/she would get freaked out when he/she became my addiction and leave...were highly abusive. I ended up with guys that used my want and need to be needed and took whatever they could get and it made my depression much worse but I couldn't take control because I felt if I lost them I wasn't needed and therefore the roller coaster continued. Or I ended up with a girl who was experimenting with sexuality and I was just there as a guinea pig and then it was "nope I definitely like boys, bye!"
I had 2 dogs since I was 16 but was away from them through my first three years of college, which were 3 of my most self-deprecating years! But they were always my reason for getting up and going out into the sun to walk them.
After some years of counseling at a women's shelter (I strongly recommended group counseling in an abuse situation, it was so rewarding). I came out as a true bi-sexual finally and felt much better about opening up to family when I need help. I met my now future husband (online) while going through counseling and was able to have a healthy 2-way relationship like nothing I've ever had, was a rough first year as he would dote on me and I didn't understand.
He's been a rock for me. And then my Sterling *my 1st heart rat* came along and gave me another man in my life I could trust and love and we had a great 2-way relationship!! Sterling gave me more purpose to be a good person and to know that I can care about him, other people, and most of all I could care about myself. I was loveable!
Since then I finally was able to do what I've always wanted and open a rescue. Rats was the perfect one, my fiance also fell in love with his girl Peach and was more then willing to allow my door to open to these in need critters.
Since joining here I feel I have an even bigger family and my fiance is starting to even recognize users I mention often just like they're an old friend