185 days

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breakthenight

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2008
Messages
468
Location
Nova Scotia
185 Days
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March 18th
I was ill equipped to deal with what I faced today. I am still crying as I am writing this.
The rat is home with me, safe, but there is a long road ahead of him. He is a fighter to have made it this long and still be alive. I am physically ill from what I found when I picked him up. How someone could let an animal suffer like this is beyond me. I have been going back and forth over the possibility of having his suffering ended. But he is a fighter. On the way home he curled against my hand and closed his eyes as I scratched between his ears. He is so desperate for affection, and someone to save him. All the way home I kept telling him he was safe now. I think he knows what I mean, because for a rat this unsocialized, he wouldn't let me take my hand out of the cage, I had to be petting him always. He cant really walk well, the leg gets in the way, and his condition worsened since I last saw him. His hip is dislocated and the leg is warm with infection, the mites cover him all over, the only place free of them is his tail, which is thin and square shaped from malnutrition. He is a long rat, but he weighs nothing, less than Eros who is only a few months old. His bones poke out. He has so many abscesses, the smallest one which burst leaving a large gaping hole in his thigh. I counted five, all centered around his leg. He sat there and lay his head against my hand while I emptied the abscess and cleaned it out. He has an URI, I believe, but it doesn't seem severe, so it may just be the poor conditions and other issues. I dosed him with Baytril and gave him his revolution. I had prepared for the worst, but I wasn't prepared for this.I have so much respect for people who rescue.I did before, but now, I think I can understand what they do so much better. They must be really strong, and they must have a lot of love to give.

March 19th
Lice are dead luckily, nits are EVERYWHERE. Uhg. No fun. The small abscess that originally burst scabbed over and I cleaned it out again today, and I think maybe it is starting to look a bit better already, or it may just be my imagination. But I hope not. Today I definitely heard some crackly breathing, but again fingers crossed that the baytril will get that under control in the next few days. Still unsure about the leg. He can move his toes a bit, and I saw him try to scratch with it, but not very successfully. It is awful to watch. I massage his foot to keep circulation going well, since it is often very cold and pale, but until his other issues are cleared up a bit better, that is really the most i can do.

But enough about the medical issues for now, which have me going crazy. Very daunting. But I did have a very nice suprise tonight Smiley....

I am trying to give BBO as much love and attention as possible, as he just craves it. He favorite thing is when I have him on my lap and I rub his itchy back softly with the tips of my fingers and scratch him between his eyes. He is so sweet and he just lets his eyes drift close when I do that:)

Anyway, tonight while I was rubbing his back to help him with all those itchies, he snuggled against me and licked my finger When I put him back in the cage, he gives me the saddest look and does his best to stand up to press his little face against the bars. It breaks my heart to have to put him back in.

I am working on a name, and have a few ideas so far. he doesn't respond, obviously to his current name because he was clearly not given enough attention to learn it. I try putting him down and calling him by each of the names and seeing which one he responds best to. He perks up a bit at a couple, and I am sure that pretty soon he will let me know which one is his name.

March 23rd

I fall more and more in love with little Lochlan everyday! Yesterday I had my wisdom teeth removed, and as you can imagine was in a fair amount of pain(still am!can't even eat my Easter candy!). When I was sleeping on the couch feeling horrible I had to have Lochlan brought out for his meds. Not only did he take his meds willingly from me (usually it is a fight), he curled up and went to sleep with me on the couch for a few hours. Nothing like a sweet rattie who you know is feeling horrible too and whom has been given no reason to even like humans in the past, to curl up with you when you arn't feeling well for a nap Smiley he even got tucked in under the blanket with just his handsome little face poking out Heart I think he must have known I was hurting and decided to repay the favor by giving back some love.
He is such a special rattie, and it becomes more and more obvious everyday.

March 26th

I adore Lochlan. He has already started responding to his name, and in the mornings I go downstairs, and he sleeps under his hammock which almost touches the ground. When I call his name there is a little rustling from under the hammock and then a burst of white fluff as he does his best three legged run to the side of the cage to see me. He takes his medicine perfectly, and is sweeter than anything. He loves to ride around in the hood of my sweater, and curl in my lap when I use the computer. He has bonded to me very strongly, and is so put out when I have to put him in the cage that he tries to scramble up the bars to chase after my hand. Truthfully, I have bonded very closely with him as well though, and it feels strange to be without him. He is a complete shoulder rat, well except for the shoulder sitting of course, though he tries hard to do it, even with his bad balance and little stiff leg.
When he gets cheek rubs(his absolute favorite) he turns his head completely sideways and stretches out his front paw beside his face, and it looks just like he is sucking his thumb Heart so adorable. Then falls right to sleep, because he is a cuddler at heart.
*edited to add*
I should also say Lochlan has NO FEAR of dogs, cats, loud noises,vacuum, anything. When he gets a little nervous, instead of jumping, running, squeaking like a usual rat, he just presses a little closer against me Heart and wiggles his little nose and sniffs in the direction of whatever startled him. So sweet. He isn't big on other people yet, but he is tolerant all the same.

April 4th
The large abscess made no progress and seemed to be increasing in size. There was some concern that although it was in the right area for an abscess(Since it had been injured) that it was actually a tumor. I worried myself sick, and had a vet appointment for him Thursday. There have also been some accompanying issues, like diarrhea(more loosely formed feces than anything) and his breathing seemed to take a sight downward turn. The vet adored him and couldn't get over how much he had improved from the original description of his issues. We agreed to have a biopsy done, and thankfully it came back as a an old, encapsulated deep muscle abscess rather than a tumor. His breathing, the vet thinks is more a result of the strain on the rest of his body than anything else. Currently the boy is on a very high and potent dose of baytril for as long as it takes, to shrink up the abscesses and make sure his breathing improves. The raisin issue the vet suspects is a result of the severe case of worms he had. They did so much damage to his intestines that he is not able to have normal movements. However, the vet says this might clear up in time, or, it may be permanent, but only time will tell.
*oh! and his fur is growing in!!!All over the places that used to be bald and covered in scabs have the TEENIEST, shortest little bristle hairs starting to poke through!*

Cute stuff:
Lochlan LOVES the car. Adores it, loves his rat bag. I think as soon as he starts to really fight off his infection he will become my little permanent fixture. He already likes sleeping in my hood while I go around the house. He loves hoodies so much that even if I am not wearing a shirt with a hood he burrows up over my shoulders and searches for one. SO cute. I always make sure to wear an old hoodie when I take him out.He tries to shoulder sit too, but am a little nervous about his balance to let him do that yet.
Other than the usual cheek scratch, hood obsession, bag love, car enjoying he LOVES to groom my hand. Any time I have him out he loves grabbing my hand and grooming it until it is clean enough that he approves,lol. Nothing like a rat to make you feel dirty!

April 12th
Lochlan is doing very well on his AB's, and it seems like his abscesses are starting to shrink, and some of them coming to a head, so I am very VERY hopefully that in the next month or so he will be doing much better in terms of mobility. With all the space to move around in, things to climb on and general improvement in healthy, the muscle mass is really building up around his hip and in his bad leg. He can now bend his toes completely at will, and he uses his leg to scratch, and to walk sometimes, although it is not what you would expect to see from a "normal" rat, every time I see him use his leg for something, I am completely overjoyed. His compensation for the disability has become much more adept, and he generally tilts his tail in the direction of the bad leg, using it for balance and for added support. He even CLIMBS! Something I never thought he would be able to do, but of course being a little fighter, Lochlan loves proving everyone wrong(even the vet) about how well he can do even with all his disabilities.
The nits are gone, and I have to say, I am not sorry to see the back of them, though I will probably give him another revolution dose on the one month mark, just to be safe.
His fur is growing in beautifully, it is thin, but sososo soft. He even has much of his tummy fur grown in, and has stopped barbering his leg, which is as you can imagine, a huge step in terms of his mental/emotional well being. He no longer is afraid to be put back in his cage either. He still sooks of course, and gives me THAT LOOK with those adorable eyes, but no panicking, struggling or the like.
In truth, you would not know it was the same rat.
He is perfect, adorable, and I could not love him more. he is such a sweet little heart. I suppose I could elaborate, but I don't know what more to say than that. I can't believe that I ever was without him, and it makes my heart hurt that i wasn't able to get him out of such a bad situation sooner. He is so perfect, and adorable even with all he has been through, and all he is still going through.

April 14th
A few minutes ago the big abscess broke. It was a huge relief, and I never thought I would be so happy to clean up a bunch of puss and infection, but honestly it is so good knowing that he is FINALLY going to be able to get all the way better, and the possibilities in terms of his mobility. About yes...yucky details..... about 2 tablespoons of puss came out. I couldn't beleive it. when you squeezed around his leg muscles more would come out, and there was pockets of it further into the skin and muscles of his stomach. I actually cried, because it hurt poor baby so much to empty it. He was squeaking and rat crying(if you have never heard this you are lucky. It reminds me of a squeak mixed with a baby bawling. Its awful.)I knew I had to get it emptied, but I felt HORRIBLE. Like the worst mommy in the world to make my baby be in so much pain.

But then, after it all he snuggled against my arm and licked my thumb. Which kind of made me feel worse because even after all the pain I had caused him he gave me kisses, like he knew it wasn't my fault. Now he is curled in my lap, and attempting to scale my shirt to shoulder sit. I do not understand how an animal who has been through so much, because of what people have done to him, can just forgive so easily.He is such a special creature.

May 20th
Dear my familee.
I just wanted to lets all you guys know hows Ive been doin. Tings have been pwetty great here, and I even has a mommy, and my very own brudder!!! He is pretty nice, he started out little, but now he is REALLY big, but I dunt mind so much, cause he keeps me real warm whenever it is cold, and he cleans all my hard to reach places, cause I got lotsa them on 'count my bad leg an all. I try real hard to be good brudder too, and do all the thing I lurned that good brudders are supposed to do, (cause I only ever have one before, when I was real small, and he wasn't very nice 'cause he tried to eat my leg and all that stuffs. I dunt really mind too much anymore though, cause at my new home everything is warm and nice, and there is always something to eat and drink, tings dont hurt so much no more, and there is always someone to love and for loving me). I has 'nother brudder, but he is kinda grumpy so I cant live wit him, but I think he loves me best anyway, cause sometimes he giveme snuggles while mommy watches someting called TV. Anyways, I just wanted to let you all know how good everything is been goin wiff me. Mommy has been real busy lately, wif me and my brudders and somethin called grad-er-a-shun(sounds like a yummy snack!) and I cant use the computer all by myself, but she though maybe I should go head and make one last update!. I is sure one lucky rat, cause I started out without nobody to love me, and now I has a whole bunch of peoples and ratties I has not even met to love! I think nobosy else in the world could ever ever be this happy, so I am always careful to make sure nobody forgets how much I loves them, cause I know that THAT feels like and I dunt think nobody would like it. I do this, by giving kisses, and cuddling, and poking my eyes in and out REAL fast everytime my mommy looks at me. (She says she likes it when I do this bogglin' thing, so sometimes I do it to strangers who I not really know, so they can feel all warm inside and loved too, but sometimes they give me weird looks and make icky noises. So I is peein on dem 'stead, cause then I can make them feel all warm on the outside, but sometimes dey act like they dont like this neither...weirdos!)
Thank yous all for givin me good wishes when I dunt feel good, I tink it helped make me feel all better Smiley
Love,
Lochlan.

August 10th
Well, things have taken a turn for the worst with Lochlan. He has been doing very well, healthy but for the occasional abscesses that still pop up, energetic and personality plus. However, yesterday morning when I went to the ratroom to do the feedings, Lochlan was very ill. He has an extremely bloated abdomen and is no longer able to retract his penis. His stomach always looks a little rounder because of the dislocated hip, and for the past 2 days we thought it looked a little tiny bit rounder than usual, but not much, and thought it was because of his change in food, however I was making an appointment anyway just in case. Yesterday though, we made an emergency trip to his vet, because things were/are not looking good at all, though I was not able to get in with his regular vet because he has Saturdays off. He had a number of x-rays and fine needle aspirations. Lots of needles and scary stuff for my boy. Lucky, the x-rays indicated that it was not his bladder that was swelled, which was the initial worry of the vet, and there would not have been much that could have been done if that was the case. A large, internal abscess is suspected, but at this point in time it is not apparent if it is associated with an organ or not. Association with an organ is fatal, but we have alot of hope and good energy headed Lochlan's way from all the people who have met and loved him. He is on a very high dose baytril for two weeks, and in two weeks time, he has to go back in for more xrays, to see if there is any change, and decide where to go from there. He is a fighter, and we are confident he will be trying very hard to get well, with extra cuddles and love from his rat brothers and human family.

Please keep Lochlan in your thoughts over the coming days.

September 19th
My best friend died today.

Lochlan was a special creature.The exceptional surrounded by the ordinary. The world feels darker today, knowing that he is no longer with me in it. In the breif time I was lucky enough to know such a unique,loving, selfless life, I have learned and gained more than I thought was possible to from a seemingly unremarkable small white rat that others had discarded so crudely. Still, I feel like I could not give him enough to repay for that in the short time he was with me. No, no matter how long or short his life was, I could never really show him exactly how much he meant to me. He judged none, and loved all and I will never meet another like him. It was like the moment he left his small cage, he captivated everyone he met with a sort of intelligent, gentle otherness I can not begin to decribe. He befriended everyone, from an entire biker gang, and a self professed rat hating woman. He wasn't perfect on the outside, his physical body was weak and abused, but he was a fighter, and that never mattered. He wasn't just a old white rat with patchy fur and a bum leg to anyone he met. He was Lochlan, and given a chance to be himself he never let anyone see his weakness.
Even in his final days, he was eager to meet me every morning, the first to give me cuddles. Always cuddles and kisses, never treats, food or anything else first. When he could no longer eat on his own he sat patiently while I syringed the liquids he needed, and cleaned the abcesses that just never seemed to be able to be beaten anymore. He knew I would never hurt him, he was so full of trust and love and devotion. Even on today, the most beautiful clear day of the year, he was silent and patient as I tried to help him as things had gone downhill so quickly and tried to decide what was the best decision for him. When we rode in the car, he was like always, on my lap curled into a warm towel, he licked my hand, as if to comfort me. His passing was peaceful as he fell to sleep a final time as I petted his head and scratched his cheek, just the way he always liked it. He looked happy. His physical body was finally as at peace as his soul.
I kept avoiding coming on here, because I did not want to have to give the bad news, that he was not getting better anymore. I was hoping for a miracle. I guess, what I didn't realize was the real miracle was getting the privilege to spend even a small part of my life with Lochlan.

If you read this entire story, start to finish thank you for honoring my best friend Lochlan's memory. This is the true story of the exactly 185 days that changed my entire life. Lochlan came into my life, and exited it as many abused and neglected creatures spend their short time on this earth- without fanfare, without a voice. But in the space between the darkness, he burned brightly given the tiniest amount of love and care he ignited a flame in me that can not be put out. Whenever you ignore the plight of an animal, turn the other way you condone abuse, you let it happen. Whenever someone makes the decision to have an animal it is rarely with the intention of neglecting or abusing them. The road to hell is paved with good intentions as it has been said. Just remember that any living thing can change your life, in ways you never thought possible and lead you down another path you thought was impossible. Give and you will be given a thousand times over.
Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty. Every creature has a soul, each one is a Lochlan if you just give them a chance.
 
Lochlan was very special, and you seem to have the gift of bringing out the very best in ratties. I hope that your heart will heal now that you have given Lochlan his fitting memorial.
 
Unfortunately, I feel as though I will never be able to have a whole heart after Lochlan.I am still angry that the person who did this to him was one of the people I have always trusted to bring me a bit of peace in this unfortunate world. He gave me Lochlan and then, by means of his own selfish abuse took away the love and happiness that he had brought me.
This is more a rant than a memorial, I suppose :/
 
I'm so sorry... it is a heartbreaking love affair. But what a lucky rat. He may have taken a piece of your heart with him, but he left with more than just his. :hugs:
 
You have me crying here :cry4:

In the world of rescue there are so many without voices, so many without hope until someone with a warm heart and healing hands walks into their lives.

There is something i strongly believe in :
We are all here for a purpose, we do not know what it is but when that purpose has been fulfilled then we are called upon to return from where we started, to rest before starting a new journey to help another.
When our fur babies leave they leave with their jobs done, no regrets only the feeling of knowing love.

Hold onto the memories of your special boy. One day you will meet again and the bond will be as strong as ever.

:hugs:
 
To have loved and then said farewell, is better than to have never loved at all.
His life was fuller because you were there and he can now run, jump, play and do all of the things that he so deserves.
Don't hold the love that you have within yourself. If you give it to another, Lochlan will surely live forever in another. :hugs:
Sorry for your loss :heart:
 
Thank you so much for sharing his beautiful story. It is surely an amazing one, & a lesson to each of us that the best things really do come in small packages, & many times not wrapped in gold. I'm so happy you both had 185 days together, & that you both were able to share them like you did. :heart:
 
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