Overcoming anxiety over pets

I'm used to anxiety over the rats. I worry every time I make a decision with them, because I have made some uninformed decisions in the past that have had very serious consequences. I missed the early signs of pneumonia in two of my girls. I waited too long to take another in to see if a tumor could be removed. Things like that, that I haven't really been able to forgive myself for. But these are fears that I can learn from and be a better pet owner through, so I work with those and live with them.

My fears for our cat aren't that simple and I don't know how I'm supposed to get past them. I need to give some back story here, and I'm sorry that it's long.

In December 2012, my sister's cat died very suddenly at 2 years old. She had a heart defect that's actually fairly common, but almost always kills kittens very young, so living to 2 was kind of a miracle, but that didn't make it much easier. My sister and her cat did pretty much everything together and had a very deep bond, so she was very traumatized by the loss. Two nights later, my elderly childhood cat (17 years old) passed away after a final stroke. It was a miserable month.

We waited until February to get a cat again, which was a big deal for us since we haven't been without a cat since I was a year old. We ended up getting Gizmo from our local shelter. He was one of the many feral litters that are born in the field near our home, and was only a couple months old when we got him. He grew into a very large boy and had a lot of personality. He was the perfect cat for our family and - despite his very aggressive idea of play - we adored him. But he was a runner. It didn't get any better after his neuter. We had to leave the house in groups, so that someone could watch for him and make a dive for him before he could get out the door. He did escape a couple times and sent us on frantic chases through the neighborhood.

In February of the next year, he ran out without us noticing and was hit and killed by one of the many cars that have no respect for the speed limit of our neighborhood. Losing Giz was too much for all of us, and we decided that we were done with cats.

When I moved out this year, my housemates rescued a kitten and I fell in love wit him. He's our little boy and we spoil him rotten. He is only six months old and has already had to have a pretty crucial surgery. He is still so tiny, and I worry after him all the time. The problem with my anxiety is that I panic about all the awful things that could happen in a situation, but over time realize that it will be okay. The problem is, the last two kittens I panicked over (Marshmallow and Gizmo) died very young, and very suddenly. So my mind has been conditioned to perceive the possibility of loss of a cat to be much more real and crucial than my other daily worries. My brain is still convinced that, because he is my cat and I love him, I am going to lose him soon.

I don't really know what to do. I have panic attacks about him, randomly. I've become very protective of him. I'm in a constant state of stress when we can't immediately locate him. It's becoming a more and more serious problem in my life and I don't know how to get past this particular fear.

Hmmm...
Honestly it sounds like this is pretty complex. Is there any way to talk to a therapist to see what they have to suggest?

I plan to bring it up with him when I get to see him again, but he and I are both overworked and his office is 45 minutes from me, so appointments are few and far between these days. I'm scheduled to go in again in October.

Is there any way to get in on a cancellation so you could go sooner?

I hope so. I'd like to try. This is becoming a huge stress in my life. Thankfully, one of my housemates is a huge comfort. She is very motherly and she thinks about everything when it comes to animal care, so knowing that he sleeps in her room means I can feel safe at night.

Sometimes I get like this over my rats.
Their cage is 4 feet away from my bed, but before i fall asleep, I turn on the light or shine my phone in the cage 4-5 times to make sure everything is ok....


I recommend talking to someone about this, or just trying to remember that you are giving this, and all your past pets, a good life-- one that they most likely wouldn't have had without you.

It sounds like a post-traumatic stress disorder; because you lost two cats young, you've conditioned yourself to think this is going to happen all the time. I kind of go through it with rats; because of past losses and illnesses/conditions that have particular symptoms, if any similar symptom is seen, you think you might go through that again, and so feelings of anxiousness arise.

Most cats live long, happy lives. I've had many cats as a part of my life. Some belonged to my parents and most lived to 18 or 20 years old. As an adult, our first two cats were ten years old when each caught feline leukemia from strays in our neighbourhood and had to be put to sleep. Our next cat lived to ten; he was a stray we took in and developed heart disease and diabetes. We felt a lot of grief, however, we'd done the best we could. We lost a 4 year old cat last year, whom we'd adopted from a humane society; Smokey was a great cat, but he came down with polycystic kidney disease and went from seemingly healthy and happy to dying within a few months. However, this is not the 'norm'. Nor are your first two situations with cats 'the norm'. Most cats do live well into the 'teen years' of 15, 16, etc. We currently have four cats. Our oldest is 11 years old, and I fully expect him to be around another five or more years. Our next oldest cat is five; we found him on the road, starving, wracked with pneumonia, homeless. He was days away from dying, skin and bones. A vet visit, antibiotics, and finally, a neuter, got him back on track with health. He still breathes hard every day; the vet says he has scarred lungs, but he's been with us since autumn of 2009 and he's one happy cat. No matter how many years he has, I know that if we hadn't of taken him in, he would have been gone a week later. So I'm just grateful that he's here and loved and having a great life.

Our other two cats are rescues from Humane societies; both had been abandoned on the streets. Both are black cats, a color seldom adopted at shelters. Both are the most loving souls you could ever meet. One is four, the other is five years old. I anticipate they'll have good, long lives.

And I expect that your current cat will also have a good, long life.

I know how this anxiety junk can get to you; been there, done that, still deal with it to some extent and balance logic against 'fear' when it comes to pets.

All we can do with our loved pets is our best. Just love them for whatever time we have with them. If illness comes up, manage it as best as we can. After that, it is out of our hands; it is between them and their Creator. Sometimes, we simply just have to surrender to knowing that all we can do is our best, and just leave it at that. At least, that's what I keep thinking about whenever a sense of panic sets in. What else can we do, except love them?

That's true. That's what I try to remind myself. Soon, he's gonna be a big, majestic cat and I want to enjoy his little baby phase, too, instead of worrying through it.

He has a good life here. That comforts me some, too. We found him in a parking lot, we raised money to fix his hip, and spoil the little little guy rotten. He's just very special to us, and I want him to get to have a good, long life.

I'm sure he'll have a good, long life. You can always put a cheap screen door in front of your regular door so that, when the first comes open, it gets shut or mostly shut before the next one opens, and that often prevents an escape. Also, for everyone in the house to be vigilant about making sure no cat scoots out past their legs. You could get him microchipped too, so if he did get out and get found, he'd be identified. But cats normally do live many years, and tend to do better as indoor cats. They enjoy sitting out on an enclosed porch, a screened window, or some people will build a little 'cat run' in a yard for them. With good food, good vet care, and lots of TLC, your cat should reach a ripe old age.

I get like this too. When I had rats occasionally I would walk half way to work then have a panic attack about the cage being open and have to walk back home to double check the cage doors, as well as having to check every time I left the house ( sometimes multiple times) With my cat he Si old and I have to check on him whenever I am home almost constantly to see if he si breathing and okay. same with the fish When I go on trips i have panic attacks over the pets as well and have anxiety usually the whole time I am away, its no fun.