Are Most Rat Parents Anxious Kinds of People?

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Carol Weekes

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2013
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583
Location
Ontario
I've had over 50 rats as beautiful animal companions over the last 14 years. Until five years ago, I'd had larger groups of rats (a dozen or so at one time), but found the short lifespans of 21 - 29 months on average, combined with the various illnesses that seem to afflict most rats at some point in their short lives, as well as always seeming to have one or more ill and not being able to go more than a month or two without one passing became too difficult to deal with. So when I got down to one old rat, I only adopted two young ones at a time. I figured it would be easier to deal with, with less numbers.

I don't know whether having had so much pet loss and illness over the years has acted as a trigger, but even with just two rats at the moment, I still find myself feeling anxiety whenever someone starts sneezing or makes even very infrequent noise. My two current boys are 17 and 20 months old. Both are petstore rats, as we don't seem to have a good breeder in my area. I've treated them for on-again, off again light sneezing that has never lasted for more than two days, or for very rare hoot noises that have never lasted more than a day. Meds have always been doxy, amoxi, or baytril, or a combo thereof for at least 3 to 6 weeks.

Having lost their brother to a sudden cardiac-related death in early June, after a vet having given them all a clean bill of health, was a shock.

I see that others here often feel panic/anxiety when their rats display any symptoms of 'something not right', usually sneezing or noises. Is this something that most rat lovers go through on a regular basis? Does keeping pets with short life spans and what seems like too-frequent illness symptoms create more anxiety in rat lovers than people who keep longer-living pets like cats and dogs? Frankly, I never had this kind of anxiousness before getting into rats, but I'd never lost pets as often either.

Right now, having never taken a hiatus from rats (although I'd come close a few times over the last decade) I feel I need to take a break from the anxiety related to having pets whom you love so much, yet only get on average about two years. I'm struggling with the decision. I feel that, if I don't get more right away when these two eventually go, that I'll feel empty without them. Yet, the stress that comes from them aging and getting closer to that 'getting old age' and it's often related illnesses is very hard too.

Have others here taken breaks for that reason? Did you manage to go very long before getting more? And how do you deal with the stress that comes with rat illnesses and lifespans. Perhaps some people are just better at managing it than I am. I'm really at a crossroads right now. I almost feel guilty about the idea of going a few years as a 'breather', yet feel I need to have some time where I'm not worrying about pet illness or losing a pet so frequently. Sorry for the long post; just wondering if others have been in this kind of situation and how you've dealt with it.
 
Everyone deals and reacts differently. I would think most good rat parents would feel some degree of anxiety over the beginning of sneezes, or something seemingly minor. Because we KNOW what can happen if things go south. We wouldn't be good rat parents if we didn't worry some.

I have surprised myself the past few months by being surprisingly anxiety free about my rats. Yes, there has been *some* anxiety. But not the way it used to be a few years ago. I'm not sure any of us ever become desensitized, per se. But with experience comes the ability find calm in a panic situation. The anxiety is there, but it's pushed aside.

I would imagine it's like human parents. Some mothers have raised several kids, know the drill, but still worry wart over every little thing. Others are more laid back. Neither way is necessarily the right or wrong way to raise a child or a rat.

With rats, I understand the anxiety being harsher, because we know things can go downhill so quickly with various conditions they get, and because they *can't* tell us how they're feeling, so making decisions for them weighs a little heavier.

Do you think having rats makes people more anxiety prone? It could. But some people will feel anxiety over anything.
 
I'm heading for a small break as well, I don't know how long it will last though. My love for them far outweighs my anxiety. My rat anxiety hits me when they reach 18 months, regardless if they are sick or not. I'm immediately in hyper drive because it seems that's the age when things can go wrong. I'm hoping that taking a break will heal my heart a bit but it's also allowing me to prepare for a larger rescue with having time to save money for my vet fund and gather new rat accessories.
 
I hear you, Jorats. I'm similar to you in when they reach that 18 month mark, you almost prepare youself for stuff. I know some people can be more anxious, perhaps over things in general. I don't tend to be. For me, it seems triggered specifically by rat lifespans and illnesses. I have a five year old cat whom I rescued from a road in 2009 who was starving with pneumonia, and still has regular asthmatic attacks, and although I feel mild concern at times, it never amounts to the kind of panic I feel over the rats.

Have you taken a hiatus before, Jorats? Or will this be the first time? Perhaps taking an actual break, and seeing it isn't too terrible, and knowing we can get more when we're ready can create a better balance to things. I don't know. I wouldn't mind hearing others' feedback. You can understand all the logic of knowing you're doing your best and that after that whatever happens is simply 'fate/destiny' with them, but that kind of logic is easier to comprehend when things are going well. As soon as the illness symptoms start, that kind of logic can go right out the window.
 
No, I haven't taken a break yet. For some reason, whenever I got close to it, more rats needed me. lol
But with my current 5... they are doing great and I don't think I'll be getting that break for at least a year. I hope.
 
I don't consider myself anxious about my rats. Perhaps hyper-vigilant? And not really. You just happen to notice things now that you wouldn't have noticed five years ago because you have experience now. Like noticing right off the bat that my new rescue momma Petunia's bite was messed up. Or Dixie's rigid front arms holding food immediately setting off alarm bells for a PT. You notice there is a problem and you jump right on treating it.
I took a short break after my first two girls, but that was more from ignorance, not knowing about Myco and PTs, and worrying about transmission to new rats. I missed having something that needed me. My cats and dogs are different than my ferrets were, or my rats are. Getting rats was my break from ferrets, which I had for 15 years prior to my rats.
I have become somewhat philosophical about death because you do deal with it so often. I find it is the constant medicating that can become wearing after a while, years; while one rat passes on, another needs medicating in its place. But, c'est la vie...
 
After thinking more carefully about it, I think there is a difference between "anxiety" and "worry". I certainly have concern and worry for my rats. But the tense and almost sickening dread and fear that I call "anxiety" have gone away lately. I think I have dealt with some of the worst rat issues and my biggest fears with them over the past year, and once I experienced some of those "worst case" scenarios, afterwards maybe my subconscious just keeps telling me that no matter what happens, nothing can ever be as bad as (insert horrible scenario here). So I still worry, but that part of me that feels anxiety and fear for them has quieted down a lot.
 
I feel exactly the same as you do Carol. Lost two boys (brothers) within about six weeks of eachother. Both with such stressful illnesses and sadly, endings. I think that's why I am so anxious over my myco boys now. I feel like my nerves are on edge constantly. Crazy, I know but I just can't help it!

Ps. It does make me feel better that I'm not the only one though :)
 
Hi Angelwaugh; yes, it's a learning experience for sure and one that puts us deeply in touch with our own feelings, some of which may be difficult to examine at times regarding loss, the perception of separation, etc. One thing about so many pets having transitioned from physical back to spirit over the years is it certainly pushed me to ask much deeper questions about life beyond the physical realm and I feel that, despite the grief that comes with pet death, there are many important lessons that have been imparted. I think more than anything else, its dealing with what often feels like 'panic triggers'. When you've lost rats to a terrible respiratory illness that only worsened as time went on, you feel an instant sense of dread when you hear sneezes that seem a little too persistent or any kind of vocal noise shows up. In a way, it's like a post traumatic stress reaction; you link the symptom with feelings of dread from the past and a fear-based anticipation of it happening again.

I attended a brief, but interesting animal communication workshop this evening which touched on some aspects that were both familiar and new to me. It's this fine dance/balance of trying to provide the animal with what they want/need, as well as dealing with our own feelings regarding what we hope to have with them.

Ack; working through this stuff can take some time, and some days/moments are easier than others. It does help to have a venue like this though, and those of us who love rat children do have to deal with these kinds of issues more frequently than those with longer-living animal companions.

I hope your little ones are feeling as well as possible, and express condolences for your recent losses.
In the end, all we can do is our best. The rats keep sending the impression of "Chill out, Ma. Just think like a rat'. They really are so cool with everything, and so very strong and impressive.
 
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Very interesting thread and a fascinating topic...and everyone's comments were so right on the money. Not one thing I disagree with so I think we are all basically on the same page when it comes to our fur babies. I also noted that someone mentioned dogs and cats having much longer life spans than rats and I think the fact that ratties have such a short time with us can make it all the more concerning to want to watch out very closely for any small sign of illness.

I like what Joanne said...she called herself, "hyper-vigilant" which I think describes how I am too, exactly. I could not think of any other way to be when I want to make sure my bubbies are healthy and I can catch the first sign of anything wrong, to the best of my abilities.

Of course people should be that way with ANY animal, dog, cat, rat, etc, but yeah...something about the ratties and how quickly they can go downhill...makes me watch my fur kids like a hawk.

My husband and I do take breathers in between babies, mainly just to heal emotionally and to get to that point when we know it is time to have new bubs in our life.

But as some pointed out, there is no right or wrong. All rat parents are different...how many rats, how long of a breather between them (or no break at all) and how much we worry or get anxious.

But it all boils down to a common thread I think we all have. We all want to be the best rat parents we can be and do right by our babies.

Someone else pointed out that it is no different to moms/dads with human kids. Worry and concern or some anxiety comes from the fact that we love our bubs and want them to be healthy and happy. A simplistic sounding last comment, but the others on this thread have already posted super comments on this! :)
 
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Very wise words Carol and an extremely interesting topic. Well done.
Thanks so much for your kind words also

Ps I love the bit about "chill out Ma..." My rats to a T. Brilliant!
 
Ha ha, yeah, the "chill out, Ma" is exactly what I imagine my boys doing when I am fretting over some small thing with them. :wink:
 
Having just lost 3 of my girls I think I'm overly cautious right now. Sativa is 27 months (as of today) so I'm on edge with her especially since she is the only one left of that group. I'm having to reframe how I think and feel about rats after the difficult grieving process I had with Chloe. I have to focus on my love for rats in general more than my love for individual rats. Once I accomplish this I hope to be less cautious as a rat parent in general.

Madi (my dog) on the other hand is 7 and has never had any medical issues. We have only gone to the vet for routine check ups, shots, etc. She rarely has even gotten an upset stomach. So I feel like being hyper vigilant as Joanne said is a good and necessary thing. Rats seem to be more fragile health wise.
 
I love everyone's responses to this.
This is something (especially in the beginning) I went through a breakdown and almost called it quits after my first two bubs including Sterling my heart rat and Peach passed away. I questioned everything I did, everything I could have done and came up with that I did everything I COULD do in those moments and there was nothing more I had control over, despite that sucking big time, it was also true.

I have two 14 year old dogs and I find myself over cautious with them now. They have had medical problems in the past (seizures, old injuries causing new pain, abscesses) and now as they age I find myself wondering what will it be that causes their passing, another seizure, an abcess so big I have to choose life with limits or PTS or will it be quietly in their sleep and if one goes what will the other one be like without her sister?
Which are all thoughts I had with Lana and her sisters but what I did learn from that was I was so focused on Isabella at the time, as she was clearly fading, was I missed on some 1:1 time with Almond who passed away abruptly one day which then caused more worry that Lana would for sure be alone sooner and what would that do to her?

So you see we all have those worries. I suffer from an anxiety disorder on a normal day so it can get bad with ratties but then I find solice in the really good days when its sneeze free and I'm getting kisses or I bring in a rescue who is the sweetest loving rat despite their "record".
Then its for sure not all for nothing. I suffer the anxiety so that they suffer the least amount in their short lives. I have time to heal my heart and head, they are limited so I don't mind putting myself in some stress for them to not be. For them to feel relaxation, freedom, happiness and love! Thats the end goal!

My best friend and rat godmother Mimi is going through a loss and toying with the choice to get more when her other girls go. This was a young girl, maybe 6-8months who had a seizure a month or so back and then passed away weeks later. Never found anything wrong with her was just a shock!
Her other girls are nearing a year and she knows she has time with them but with losing such a young one so unexpectedly she has it in her head that she maybe wants a break. Her first baby was a petstore baby (where we worked) that came in with problems. Everyone gave up on her right away except Mimi and I. Mimi took her home and set her up in a nice little hospital cage and she lived for 2 more weeks and I was so proud of her when everyone else told her just throw her in the freezer and be done she held that baby rat until she was ready to go. Her name was Eleanor and she was Mimi's heart rat for sure. I got into rat rescuing right after that. She was my inspiration and now you guys are also my inspiration.
Despite how hard it can get I know I'm not alone in how I feel and I know if I needed to say I need a break you would not judge as I don't judge Mimi for wanting to think about it.
No one can tell you how to feel or how to react. They can't tell you you're wrong for feeling what your body feels.
We can only stand by each other and reassure that you do all you can and that was the best thing you could ever do. This group has saved lives, given second chances and shown love to little beings that so many others disrespect and discard. We make a difference. I always have to remind myself that I gave most of them more then anyone else ever did in their lives and did what my heart told me was best for these little bubs that I love!
 
Ah boy, I suffer from an anxiety disorder so I can't really say for the average person. Needless to say I'm absolutely a huge worry wart when it comes to my ratties.

Ever since I got my first babies and discovered this forum I went a bit crazy with worry about every little possible thing that could wrong. Trust me when I say the smallest thing would send me in hours of googling to make sure it was normal. I'm also slightly a hypochondriac so that doesn't help much. My now fiance had told me to stay away from the forum for a bit since I was constantly checking the ER and health section like a hawk. <_< I had to know every possible thing that could go wrong. It's not a good obsession. Zephye was always a sick rat and honestly he was always the center of my worry. He had lice when he came to me, myco flare ups, an eye sty, PT, etc.

When he passed I wondered if I could go through it again since he wasn't overly old when he passed. (1 year 8months). My boyfriend told me to take a break from fostering and having rats but I just looked at my current two and knew I just couldn't. Even though they bring a lot of anxiety to me they also calm me down and make me so happy when they are. Zephye was an extremely special rat to me and losing him felt like losing the world. I keep replaying scenarios in my head that maybe I could've prevented the PT. I know it's a silly thought but I felt like I was at fault.

I honestly thing any parent is maybe cautious or anxious. I've been pulling my hair out over my Betta who just won't stop eating his tail :c and now a bunny with chronic snuffles and a leaky eye. That and intros with my rat boys <_< I'm really anxious any time something goes slightly bad that I messed up. Even though they're having a pretty good intro by most other's standards. I've seen the wound pictures and I've been bitten before by a frightened boy and man it's not something I want to go through.

Anyways rambling aside I think I'm just overall an anxious person. Haha so I can't really say it's just because I own rats.
 
I've found reading everyone's posts to be enlightening, and thank everyone who took the time to comment. One thing's for sure, our rats certainly teach a lot about themselves, ourselves, and about how to deal with life in general because we end up doing a lot of reasoning, reflecting, and learning from them. I think they are wise old souls often here to be great teachers to us humans, as are all animals. You certainly don't love a rat and come away unchanged. They are true little agents of love, and all the emotions that love brings, from joy to grief. I can see there is no 'right way'; we all just do the best we can, and in the end, I expect that's all the rats want, as well as to love us back. Certainly, I do know that the hard parts have had me looking for better ways to relax or find calm (such as meditation, going for walks, being in nature, aromatherapy, journaling, etc.) that have not only helped at least somewhat with rat situations, but with general life stressors. Again, they are great teachers to us humble humans.
 
Having just lost 3 of my girls I think I'm overly cautious right now. Sativa is 27 months (as of today) so I'm on edge with her especially since she is the only one left of that group. I'm having to reframe how I think and feel about rats after the difficult grieving process I had with Chloe. I have to focus on my love for rats in general more than my love for individual rats. Once I accomplish this I hope to be less cautious as a rat parent in general.

Madi (my dog) on the other hand is 7 and has never had any medical issues. We have only gone to the vet for routine check ups, shots, etc. She rarely has even gotten an upset stomach. So I feel like being hyper vigilant as Joanne said is a good and necessary thing. Rats seem to be more fragile health wise.

Good post Trihkal and I agree with you...your situation with Sativa is exactly like the one we have now with Achilles...watching him so closely, almost breathing a sigh of relief each day when we see him poke his head out of his sleeping blankie to greet us. Sigh..it can mentally wreck you.
 
I've found reading everyone's posts to be enlightening, and thank everyone who took the time to comment. One thing's for sure, our rats certainly teach a lot about themselves, ourselves, and about how to deal with life in general because we end up doing a lot of reasoning, reflecting, and learning from them. I think they are wise old souls often here to be great teachers to us humans, as are all animals. You certainly don't love a rat and come away unchanged. They are true little agents of love, and all the emotions that love brings, from joy to grief. I can see there is no 'right way'; we all just do the best we can, and in the end, I expect that's all the rats want, as well as to love us back. Certainly, I do know that the hard parts have had me looking for better ways to relax or find calm (such as meditation, going for walks, being in nature, aromatherapy, journaling, etc.) that have not only helped at least somewhat with rat situations, but with general life stressors. Again, they are great teachers to us humble humans.

Beautifully said Carol, and right on the money. :)
 
Sterling, your post was amazing...I think you put into words every single thing that we all think here on the forum. It was beautifully written and very true. One of the best lines in your post was,

"For them (rats) to feel relaxation, freedom, happiness and love! That's the end goal!" Absolutely.

It is so wonderful also to have such an amazing support group here, for so many reasons (which you already did a great job of pointing out).

Beautiful post Sterling. :cuddle:
 
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