Losing them is so hard

Many rats have passed over the years. It's always sad and of course I miss them but no other loss has hit me as hard as losing Chloe. Chloe turned two May 25. She seemed like she was still going strong. Only two days later she started to decline rapidly and passe away at the beginning of June.

I feel like I am still in mourning. For days I cried all the time. Then I tried to stop thinking about her but that scared me because I didn't want to forget our special bond. It's been over a month now and it still hurts so much. I had to step back and wonder if rats were a good idea for me since they have such short lives but I cannot imagine my life without them.

I guess I just had to share my feelings here in the hopes that someone would understand. My friends try but none of them have rats.

This all sounds so familiar. I had lost two before this year, one of whom was just a little guy and one of whom was very special to me.

After General died, I knew that her cagemate needed me, and needed friends, so I found her some. But I worried that I would not be able to love any of them like they needed. I felt so drained after losing General that I just didn't know how I was supposed to bond with any of my other babies. It took me months to feel like I had gotten any better. Troll, my baby, left me feeling miserable for a good month or so, and I only knew him for a week.

I just lost two, very suddenly, and it's just now starting to hit me that they are gone, and they will not be in their cages when I come home from work tonight.

It sounds like Chloe was a special lady. It's so easy to fall in love with them, forgetting how little time there is. Trust me when I tell you that, even if you decide you can't think of her right now, you won't forget the bond you had. I tried not to think or talk about General for months, and then one day I was able to just tell a silly story about her and laugh. All of that will be there when you're ready to remember her.

Having lost 100's now (up to 280 memorials on my wikispaces page), there are still some that rip your heart out when they leave...sometimes its expected (for me Eli and Hope) and other times it will catch you out of left field...*whammo*

As terrible as it feels, I am still very thankful that this little creature with its too-short life span was able to dig so deep into my heart and I was able to really love them, so much that they took a small piece of me away when they left. Btw that empty feeling will pass eventually even if you don't think it ever will. It might take longer than expected with unexpected bouts of sadness or even crying happening. One day you will wake up and just remember the love you had.

((hugs))

We ALL understand how much this hurts on this forum...we all have lost our babies and it never seems to get easier...I promise the crying, the depression, the sadness will ease up and get better, really. ( I just lost one of my boys a few weeks ago, so this is fresh in my mind).

We never stop missing them, ever. We think of them all the time and they are always with us...what happens is that eventually you will start to think of them with a smile at good memories and not with sad tears.

I have photos of all of my babies that have left, here in our house, so I see them every day. And it always makes me feel good.


Rats just grab our hearts and take a chunk of our hearts along with them when they leave. We all understand this here and we know that Chloe was a very special girl. I saw and commented on her lovely memorial page you made for her on the Memorial sub forum.

She will never be forgotten of course...none of our ratty babies are ever forgotten and they do not fade from our memories, but eventually the tears lessen and you can start to console yourself that Chloe is at a wonderful and special place, running free with lots of ratty friends.


I always tell myself, when I (and my husband) have lost a baby, and I am crying and bawling and feel like I want to sink into despair, that my babies/baby is at the Bridge, smiling down and shaking his head at me and scolding me...telling me, "Sheesh Mom, don't cry! I am having so much fun here with my brothers and sisters!"

That might sound silly to some, but it always helps me a lot. Hang in there and come to the forum when you need some understanding cyber hugs from us, okay? We DO totally get it. Sending you all my love. :hugs:

Aw, hun. It never gets easier, and as much as it hurts, just think of the beautifully deep connection you make with these creatures. It is so special and the love and joy they bring us outweigh the harsh pain of losing them. The feelings of sadness will pass and one day you will come to think mostly of happy things and smile when your dear Chloe comes to mind. *hugs*

It never gets any easier either :sad-p:.

Doesn't matter if it is a medical condition & you know their days are numbered or whether you "all of a sudden" find them passed away in their cage unexpectedly - it still hurts. Because we love them. Very few people know I even have rats because I would get those "looks" like they think I am weird. Not that I care ( cuz I don't ) but it's not worth wasting my time on.:rolleyes2: BUT this forum makes up for all the stupids out there that don't have a clue what great & special pets they are -- so thanks RAT SHACK . . . :urock: :happydance: :cheer: :dancingbunny::bananas:

I know how you feel, having been there (like everyone else here) many times before. My last rattie, my big boy Brodyn, crossed over seven weeks ago today and I was just thinking this morning that it doesn't feel like it's been that long since I last held him.

It is always hard to see them go. They bring us so much love and we love them so dearly. It can take time for the grief to ease off and there's no 'set amount' of time for that. Eventually, the grief lessens and the happy memories replace the sadder stuff.

You should read a book by Kim Sheridan called 'Animals and the Afterlife'. She wrote the book after having her pet rat cross over, and after spending a lifetime looking after many pets. Her book focuses on the reality of the Afterlife (our Rainbow Bridge) and she includes accounts from many people, including rat lovers, whose pets have given them distinct signs, after having crossed over, that they are still very much alive in spirit form and still sending their love. A lot of people have found her book to be very comforting and reassuring.

I have had numerous encounters/signs from dear pets who have crossed over, including my most recent boy. Experiencing that certainly helps with any grief because it reassures that they don't leave us; they just change energy form, but the love is eternal.

I hope your heart can heal soon with all the good memories and the reassurance that she is still by your side, only in Spirit.

Thanks you guys! All of your comments mean a lot. Chloe was actually my third lost within a month. Russia and Charlotte (my other ratties) passed first. It was really sad but there was a special bond that Chloe and I shared that made it that much harder.

Chloe lived a really good life. She was the most spoiled rat I know. Now she can be with her sister Jane and meet all my other ratties that she hasn't gotten to know yet. She passed peacefully in my arms knowing how much we love her.

After losing three girls Sativa was alone and I could tell it was affecting her so we rescued two lil ladies to be her cage mate. I will pour all my love for Chloe onto them.

Rats short lives suck but nothing compares or could replace them.

2Rats, yes, I agree, the Rat Shack is a wonderful haven for rat folks to go to when they need the company and reassurances of others who love ratties and know the special joys they bring. People who make rude comments or snicker when the "rat" word comes up are simply ignorant and/or uneducated about rats, so they just don't know. Their loss.

Carol, I agree absolutely that our furry kids show us signs that they are still around, just on a different plain. My husband and I have both gotten signs from some of our babies that have passed on and the occurrences were too amazing to dismiss or ignore. So I know our kiddos are out there. I 100 percent agree with you.

Trihkal, I am so glad our comments are making you feel a bit better and I know you will pour all of your Chloe love into your new girls. And Chloe will be right there with you, at your side, with a big smile. :hug4:

It may sound a little ... crazy but I totally feel like Chloe sent Nisa to me. Orchid is pretty outgoing but little Nisa was so terrified when we first got her. With a lot of love and encouragement she's coming around just like Chloe did. I think she knew I needed a 'project' (bringing Nisa out of her shell) to keep my mind off things.

Oh, no, it does not sound crazy at all, it sounds perfectly logical actually, and you are probably right. Chloe could easily have sent you a new girl, absolutely. I don't think our rats ever want to see us cry and being sad after they have left. Sometimes I think they send us a sign or even a new baby into our lives to focus on. Chloe is probably looking over your shoulder now and then to make sure you do a good job with Nisa, eh?

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a baby recently. It's never easy and there isn't anything to say to make it better for you, it's a piece of your heart that's missing and that love will be forever longing. For me, it is healed a little every time I find a new baby to love, and I know that's one less ratty that's gonna suffer. I also know that every one I have has lived a very good life, they've known human love and the love of their brothers and/or sisters, and they've felt safe. It's worth it to me, even if I know that they're going to leave me all too soon, that their time here will be good, and not painful or meaningless, and that gives me a sense of worth in my own life, if I can lessen the suffering of others. So I'll continue to do this even if I miss them so much...

Maladie, that was so beautifully put and every single word of it rang true for all of us. Very well said, bravo.

So true Maladie

It's been about two months since I wrote my first post on this thread. I was missing my heart rat and my other two girls so much. It tore me apart. I wondered if rats weren't for me. Although I hate their short lives the time we do have together is so worth it to me. I can't imagine giving them up.

I have worked hard with my two feeder girls and they have really come around. Nisa is still pretty scared but sweet. Orchid is perfectly friendly and so loving. I just got two more girls Coco and Penelope. We are still working on intros but I know they will be an excellent addition to our colony. Our oldie Sativa is still here. I appreciate every moment we have together but I know I will be okay when her time does come.

The individual rats may change but my love for the species always remains.

trihkal said:

It's been about two months since I wrote my first post on this thread. I was missing my heart rat and my other two girls so much. It tore me apart. I wondered if rats weren't for me. Although I hate their short lives the time we do have together is so worth it to me. I can't imagine giving them up.

I have worked hard with my two feeder girls and they have really come around. Nisa is still pretty scared but sweet. Orchid is perfectly friendly and so loving. I just got two more girls Coco and Penelope. We are still working on intros but I know they will be an excellent addition to our colony. Our oldie Sativa is still here. I appreciate every moment we have together but I know I will be okay when her time does come.

The individual rats may change but my love for the species always remains.

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I feel ya 100% !!!
My :heart: rat passed away April 28th of this year and I think about her every day. She will forever be with me in my heart. Congrats on your new babies.

I completely understand what all of you saying. I just lost a girl i had for four years yesterday. Its very hard to deal with. Her sister was my bestfriend. It may sound crazy, people say a dogs a mans bestfriend, she was mine. She passed may 31st and I still feel like it just happened. The most important thing to remember is the little time they're with you is worth the pain of their death. It helps me to celebrate their lives and beautiful personalities instead of thinking sad thoughts.

My girl minnie just passed, she was the most loving rat, she acted like a mother to all. Today the rescue mice got her cage and the rats got her special treats. I see it as gifts from her and it makes me feel a little better. I know she would've wanted it that way.

Your post was well put, Minnie, and no, it is not crazy at all that she was your best friend. We all know that feeling here. You are just part of the club. :wave:

And you are right, it is always better to focus on the good memories. I almost teared up when you talked about giving Minnie's things to your new babies, as gifts from her, and that you know she would have wanted it that way. It is so sweet, and you are right, I bet Minnie would like that very much. I am sure she is looking down at you from time to time and giving her approval to the gifts. She will always be with you. :hugs:

I think all of us can relate to a rat or rats being our best friends. I was pretty isolated last year. I rarely saw anyone aside from my boyfriend and our pets. My rats (and dog) were my people. Losing Chloe has been heart wrenching. I went into a grieving period that lasted several months and I am just now recovering. So I can totally relate and I am sorry for your loss.

So many people think I should just give up my love for rats since it can be soul crushing when they pass but I'd rather love something a lot for a short time then have something here for years and years that I don't feel passionately about. I can't tell you how many hours I have spent researching other animals to see if I could find something that could live longer. Each time I conclude the same thing. There is nothing that compares to rats.

Trihkal, same here. I am permanently disabled so I am home most of the time, taking care of the homefront and Marc plays a lot of night shows so my company is Achilles. (Of course it used to be Maximus too). I know how it feels to have the beautiful company of a ratty.

We have never even had a dog or a cat (much as we love dogs and cats!), but only small animals (gerbils first, then ratties) because small critters are the only type of pet that would work for me physically, since I cannot get down low to the ground or bend low, as I would need to do with larger pets. Lucky for me, because it meant we discovered rats. :rathugz:

Our lil fur babies have always been in housing that is placed waist high, so I feel like I can do an excellent job at being a great rat mom without having to bend low.

Marc and I do not want to think of how horrible it will be the day Achilles decides to go see his brother. We just still cannot imagine not having our happy, smiling, fat love baby here with us at home. The three of us are a family, absolutely. He is our baby boy and we love him more than the sun and stars. I know you can all relate, and you are right Trikhal...nothing compares to a rat.