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Old 08-28-2013, 09:56 PM   #1
KMG365
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Default Real Things You Can Buy From Amazon.com

I was browsing the Amazon.com website earlier today and I came across a number of downright crazy things that are available for sale. Many, if not most, of the items are intended as jokes, but seriously, who buys this stuff? I guess Amazon is picking up where the old joke shops left off!

Accoutrements Squirrel Coffee Cup


  • Squirrel not included.[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • 1-1/4" x 1-1/4" (3.2 cm x 3.2 cm) porcelain Squirrel Coffee Cup[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • As you sit down for your morning coffee, have you ever considered sharing with the squirrels?[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $6.40

http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Squ ... pd_sim_t_2


Accoutrements Squirrel Underpants


  • Standard white cotton jockey-type drawers[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • One size fits most squirrels[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Will also fit most guinea pigs[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Held up with an elastic band for a perfect fit[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Can be also be used on other squirrel-sized rodents[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $6.46

http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-118 ... gy_t_img_z


Accoutrements Girl Squirrel Underpants


  • Appropriate for all ages of girl squirrels[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • One size fits most girl squirrels[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Will also fit most guinea pigs[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Held up with an elastic band for a perfect fit[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Can be also be used on other squirrel-sized rodents[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $6.09

http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-120 ... gy_t_img_y


Gag Gifts - Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray


  • Magical mouth spray that gives you an Irish accent in an instant![/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Spearmint flavoured breath spray[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Just one spritz activates invisible language receptors in the mouth whilst freshening your breath![/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • 7.5 ml (0.25 fl oz)[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Please note that this is a novelty item and will not actually make you talk like an Irishman[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $6.73

http://www.amazon.com/Gag-Gifts-Instant ... pd_sim_t_5


Look And Feel Canadian Breath Spray


  • Gain insight into deep issues through a Breath Spray[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • 25 fl oz[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • peppermint flavor spray from Blue Q[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Breath Spray from Blue Q is perfect to freshen your breath[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Great Gift for family or friends[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $7.02

http://www.amazon.com/Look-Feel-Canadia ... pd_sim_t_1


Fakin' Eh!: How to Pretend to Be Canadian



Price: $11.42

http://www.amazon.com/Fakin-Eh-How-Pret ... pd_sim_t_1


Accoutrements Inflatable Unicorn Horn for Cats


  • High Quality Vinyl[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Four-Point Elastic Strap[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Makes Your Cat Extraordinary[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $4.75

http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Inf ... d_sim_t_10


Raising Unicorns: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Starting and Running a Successful - and Magical! - Unicorn Farm



Welcome to the whimsical and very lucrative world of unicorn farming! This is an industry like no other with potential limited only by your imagination. As a future unicorn farmer, you will experience the wide and unique array of opportunities, challenges, and joys of caring for these majestic creatures.

From the Introduction
In this book, author Jessica S. Marquis provides everything you need to know to make a good living as a unicorn farmer. From choosing the right breed (Purebred; Twinkletoe; Karmic; Gigglerump; Horse with Horn) to picking the unicorn farm dream team (an alchemist; stable hands; groomers; The On-Call Virgin (OCV); lawyers), you are guaranteed to have a magical journey. The only reference of its kind, this book proves you can live in fantasyland—and still make money.

Price: $5.58

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Unicorns- ... pd_sim_t_5


Adhesive Bandages


  • Tin Container measures approx. 3-3/4" H[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Each tin contains fifteen bandages[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Each bandage measures approx. 3" L x 3/4" W[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Each tin contains a bonus trinket.[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $5.97

http://www.amazon.com/BACON-shaped-them ... d_sim_b_62


Big Mouth Toys Bacon Dashboard Dancer


  • Constructed Of Plastic With Wire Spring To Produce Shakin Movement[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Adhesive Bottom To Keep Item In Place If Desired[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Can be placed almost anywhere[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Great gift for bacon lovers[/*:m:19qyxd02]
  • Show everyone how much you love bacon[/*:m:19qyxd02]

Price: $7.25

http://www.amazon.com/Big-Mouth-Toys-Da ... pd_sim_t_6


...AND LOTS, LOTS MORE!


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Old 08-29-2013, 12:41 AM   #2
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Default Re: Real Things You Can Buy From Amazon.com

Lol these are great. I want the canadian mouthspray!


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Old 08-29-2013, 01:41 AM   #3
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Default Re: Real Things You Can Buy From Amazon.com

lol, lots of odd stuff on there. reminds me of the banana slicer (read the reviews)
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Old 08-29-2013, 02:12 AM   #4
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Default Re: Real Things You Can Buy From Amazon.com

Quote:
Originally Posted by dogsnbears
lol, lots of odd stuff on there. reminds me of the banana slicer (read the reviews)
Some of the reviews for the banana slicer are great!

[scroll:3oaphpzp]"For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won&#39;t allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I&#39;ll call it South Side Story."

"My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day&#39;s banana slices. It&#39;s one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?""

"I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slices is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way."

"I bought this naner slicer and wow am I glad I did. My life has been positively changed forever. Once this product appeared on my doorstep, I knew things would never be the same in my household. It is pure genious and a better time saver I do not know of. My only complaint is I wish it was offered in a chartruse color so it would match all my other little kitchen helpers.

Notwithstanding the lack of color choices, I have willed this to my youngest nephew, Oliver. I want this kid to get the most out of life just like I have and this banana slicer will ensure that he does."


As you may or may not know, I have 27 trained monkeys I use to do my evil bidding. Well, the younger monkeys teeth have not fully developed and so slicing a banana to feed them is a necessary chore. The adult monkeys used to have to chew up bananas and feed their young but not anymore with the Victorio Kitchen Products 571B Banana Slicer. The adults are going bananas over this time saving easy product. No longer so they have to taste and chew the deliciousness banana without eating it teasing them like a teenage prom date.

Now, they can eat and enjoy while i feed the young by slicing the bananas into small pieces that&#39;s easy for them to digest, This product is aces in my book and if you have 27 trained monkeys that will help you take over the land of OZ, i highly recommenced this product. This product is more useful than a barrel of monkeys


I am unable to figure out how to use this item. First I took it out of the package and placed the banana and the slicer in the same room together. A week later I returned only to find that the banana has now been turned brown by this weapon on banana destruction. So then I intelligently presumed that it required batteries. So I placed batteries, this ninja like fruit dispatcher and the aforementioned banana in the room together once again. Again, I return to find that not only is the banana brown again, but the device showed no interest at all in the batteries whatsoever. I have also determined that this device does not work as a baby sitter, nor does it do anything for my erectile disfunction. I tried threatening the device to no avail. Any help with the usage of this item would be greatly appreciated.[/scroll:3oaphpzp]
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Old 12-01-2013, 05:03 PM   #5
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Default Re: Real Things You Can Buy From Amazon.com

Wow, PT Barnum was right. Jay Leno sometimes does a feature about weird stuff on eBay, where the audience has to guess whether items have been sold. Results always amaze me.
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Old 12-01-2013, 08:38 PM   #6
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Default Re: Real Things You Can Buy From Amazon.com

lol That's so crazy.
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Old 12-09-2013, 05:13 PM   #7
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Default Re: Real Things You Can Buy From Amazon.com

Amazon.com currently has the Samsung UN85S9 85-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED television on sale! If I buy today, it's only $39,997.99 with free shipping! That's a full $5,002.00 off the regular price! I figure with the money I'll save on shipping, I need only forgo spending money on food and shelter for about a decade and this TV will be mine!

Some of the reviews on Amazon for this television are hilarious...

[quote2="Amazon Reviewer":2617bq5z]By James O. Thach on November 25, 2013
My wife and I bought this after selling our daughter Amanda into white slavery. We actually got a refurbished. It&#39;s missing the remote, but oh well-- for $10K off, I can afford a universal, right? The picture is amazing. I&#39;ve never seen the world with such clarity.

Amanda, if you&#39;re reading this, hang in there, honey! We&#39;ll see you in a year.

*****

I just wanted to add an addendum to my review. Since posting it, we have received a flood of responses. People have said some pretty hurtful things--even questioning our values. Let me assure you, this was not an easy decision to make, and we made it as a family. Obviously, it&#39;s very personal. But in light of all the second-guessing, I wanted to explain our thinking.

First and foremost, screen size. I really think you can&#39;t go too big. 85" may seem huge, but you get used to it fast. Second, resolution. Is 4K overkill? Please, that&#39;s what they said about 1080P! More dots = better. Period. And as far as this being a $40,000 "dumb" TV, people need to re-read my initial post: WE BOUGHT IT REFURBISHED. It was only $30,000.

Some of you may think I&#39;m avoiding the "elephant in the room"-the real reason why this was such a heart-wrenching choice. So let&#39;s just get it out there. Yes, the 120 Hz refresh rate is a disappointment, especially on a 4K. But life is full of compromises. And frankly, we hardly notice. All in all, no regrets.

P.S., as for our daughter, NO ONE has the right to question our parenting. Totally out of bounds. Amanda was going into 7th grade, so it was going to be a transitional year anyway. Now she gets to see the world. How many kids her age get to go to Bahrain? I sure as heck didn&#39;t, but you don&#39;t hear me screaming "child abuse." Bottom line: MYOB! Seriously.

*****

Has it been a year already? Wow! I guess that&#39;s what 8 hours a day of immersive TV will do for you! Many of you have expressed your eagerness for an update. Well, here goes.

Generally, the Samsung has held up beautifully. We have noticed a little bit of lag, mostly in multi-player gaming--but not enough to cost us any firefights. There have been some issues up-imaging low rez content, but that&#39;s to be expected when you early-adopt--we&#39;re still "waiting on the world to change," as John Mayer would say (gosh he&#39;s talented.) On the plus side, we feel like we are now officially part of the cast of GOT. The other night Peg almost had to open a window to let Daenerys&#39; dragons fly out!

And you&#39;ll all be happy to know our darling Amanda is back with us, safe and sound. She has changed a little. She&#39;s less talkative than before (though she had some choice words for me when I asked her to clean her room). And she&#39;s started wearing eye make-up, which has Peg a bit concerned. But welcome to thirteen, I guess. We&#39;re just glad to have her home. And she loves the TV. That&#39;s the main thing. In fact, she spends so much time in front of it lately, you&#39;d swear she owns it.[/quote2:2617bq5z]
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Old 02-26-2014, 12:50 PM   #8
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I love how the cat unicorn box actually says "cats love it!" Cause that cat clearly does not look amused, nor in love.
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Old 02-26-2014, 02:36 PM   #9
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I love the bandages but only for the tin can. lol


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