Savanna's left me

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Fidget

Senior Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2007
Messages
3,339
Location
Victoria BC
As I always do I spend some time, with the body the spirit has left behind,
So much to say between thankyou's & sorry's, I play our song, and relate our stories.
I examine your body and each part I kiss, cause once it is gone - it will be missed.

I look into your sweet little face and remember those trusting eyes
That were yours - and they spoke your very own truth - I hope I realized
What you'd been thru and needed, and I hope I made good
I hope that I gave you all that I could.

The ritual that I do for you - I've done so often for others too
It's crying & grieving to convince my brain that the spirit is gone tho the body remains
When my mind is convinced that your soul's been released
I can bury your body with a mind that's at peace.

And then my darling, we are truly together, not just for a moment but for ever & ever
You're still in my spirit, you're still part of me, we have a connection the brain just can't see.
And the spirit within you it sure didn't die, it just went to heaven, it lives & it flies
And the bridge ain't a wall, it's a 2 way street, we can visit each other, just can't do it on feet.

A photograph, a memory, or something just so deep in me
Will fly across my 'Am Aware' and once again you'll be right there.
I know each time I see you, my heart and mind will smile
The same effect that you had here you'll have across the miles.

And all the feelings I felt for you, will swell within me like when they were new
Love lasts a lifetime when you're good for each other
And heaven ain't heaven if you don't find each other.

But Savanna, I don't think you know what you've been
My curse & my queen and my closest friend
I watched you most closely, I needed to know
Any sign, any gesture you were ready to go...
Last night you were fine and this morning still yet
Had a 3:45 appointment today with the vet
But not being sick just a problem with skin
That you'd had before, but I wanted you in.
Then today on my desk in front of my eyes, you got listless & wobbled
So I agonized, I called to the vet to get in right away and 11:45 was best they could say.
So I packed you up right away, we'll go to the office early and beg for help, what can they say?
Put you in the car and I checked on you then, you were gasping like a fish, so I took you out of the cage and held you, I tried to breath into your mouth, but you died in my arms. Oh baby..

You didn't warn me you were leaving me yet
I carried you home and did the ritual thing
Holding & kissing & trying to sing
This time the comfort kept reverting to shock
When I looked in my arms -
and it was mySavanna :cry:

I'll put pictures later, I'm really too messed to deal with photobucket & choices.
 
Oh Lauren... :cry:
:roseopen:
Your poem brought tears to my eyes, it was so beautiful and sad.
Rest in Peace, sweet Savanna. :grave: :rose:
 
Just my Savanna..
Oct 17/06
061017Savanna6.jpg

April 15/07 with the tumors:
070415Savannachip.jpg

June 3/07 tumorless
070603Savanna11.jpg

June12/07
070612Savanna20.jpg

July16/07
 
Thankyou..
I was too caught in being devasted and thinking about me when Savanna passed. I didn't write the things I should have about her.

I saw a cute little nekked girl on the Nanaimo spca website and had a friend drive me up to meet her October 1/05. Of course I fell in love (with Sahara). But she came in with a 'sister' so I brought them both home.
Sahara was sweet delicate agreeable little angel (tho sick from the time I got her home). Savanna was a healthy, haughty little hellion who's mission it was to get to the floor, no matter what redecorating changes I made. When she was jumping straight off a tall dresser with nothing to break her fall in between I gave up, and she got the floor. Always did after that.
You couldn't open a chip bag quietly enough (even when you thought she was asleep in the cage) that she didn't hear it. She'd run to see what I had if I just left the room and came back. I never got to eat alone, even if she had the same thing in her bowl.
She lived alone after she repeatedly got too nasty with Sahara, she didn't hurt her on purpose, but she would others.
The others had open cage times. Savanna had open cage all the time except when the others were out. She'd be somewhere in the room, if I wanted to know where I'd open a cookie bag, or the deep-freeze (where she knew the chocolate chips are) and she'd be right there.
She trusted me implicitly. That says it all.

She had 2 tumors removed and was spayed April 20. She was back to her old fiery self soon as she got home, but gradually slowed down. She actually became agreeable to sharing space with the other 3 girls August 11. I guess she finally became too worn for war.

So I wondered, and suppose I should have known, but didn't - when she was offered a second chocolate chip during her skin ointment application the day before - and didn't grab it. She seemed fine otherwise.

I know she was feeling some pain or distress the morning she went, but it didn't last long. I don't know what she died of, but she didn't die alone, part of me rtruly went with her.

Savanna - The one I used to so regret taking in, and curse the fates for bringing.......back in the beginnng ..... I'd do it all again - for her.

And I expect I might with these 2 enegetic little nekked youngun's coming saturday. Sounds like they are Savanna in Sahara skin (wolves in sheep's clothing). I think Savanna is laughing at me.

Go ahead baby girl. Just so long as you're laughing :kisses: I miss you so..
 
Thankyou. You know every thought of her (or any of our kids) coming from here is something that she receives up there and it enhances her. Makes her (them) light up heaven just a little more from her inside out.
SSadRat.gif
We grieve them all. But I can't eat dinner, or open the deep freeze, or a bag of anything good without her not being there. Every time I come in the bedroom I wonder for a millisecond where she is.

Erin has taken to looking after me since Savanna went. Like she's bloomed fully since the biggest flower was cut down. I showed the girls Savanna's body when she'd gone. Either Erin has stepped into the role she thinks Savanna had with me (thinking it's part of the alpha role they fought each other so hard for and I'm a needy part of the pack) or Erin feels that with Savanna gone she is now my 2nd in command as Savanna was.

Erin came Jan. 13/07. She was always friendly, but very standoffish and not real trusting. We've of course come closer in all this time. But while Erin acted alpha in the group but didn't bother Savanna when I finally intro'd Savanna to them, she never infringed on my time with Savanna on the bed, she'd come by in passing for a little visit if I was alone. When Savanna went, she started coming to me a lot, not in passing, but aiming to spend time with me, and sits still for pats way longer.

Is she coming to kiss my hand so I dub her The New Queen because she respects my superior place in things since I have the food? :queen:
Or is she coming because she knows I lost my caretaker - she sensed that Savanna was my heart & joy - and she feels I need to stay ok cause I have the food.? :hugs:
She is a very intellegent girl - (no kidding about that)
Is she looking after me cause I look after her and her 'family? Or is she looking after me cause I am part her her family?

I dunno, oddly, I feel kind of lost as far as my place since Savanna passed, am I wacko or just grieving?
 
Rephrase that - the wacko is a given :p
Is it normal to feel so lost and feel like a rattie is taking control of the 'family' and that's ok?
Or have I lost track of my place here?
 
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